Good news, people, good news! There may be absolutely nothing wrong with our kids. They may very well be completely normal. I have good evidence to support this hypothesis. Really.
I was reading an article about The Foo Fighters “tour rider” for the contract covering their upcoming tour, which makes a complete mockery of other celebrity tour riders. You can read about its awesomeness here.
This article inspired me to visit the great and powerful oracle, Google, to read about other celebrity tour riders. After much research (about 10 minutes), I have discovered some amazing similarities between celebrity demands, and the demands of our cherished little spectrum cherubs.
Take a look at what I’ve found:
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Stimming AND a facial tic!
Sweet, sweet Katy. She likes to kiss girls with her cherry chap stick, but she no likey my favorite flower, the carnation (and I no likey her song, Firework, which I hate more than the smell of canned meat, but I digress). “Carnations are NOT ALLOWED in her dressing room.” Now I won’t say that Connor has any strict flower preferences, but he doesn’t like curtains. He threw an hour-long fit once when I hung new curtains in the dining room.
Also, when being transported via limo, the driver is not to speak to the client or guests (social skills deficit), is not to look at her through the rearview mirror (lack of eye contact), and is not to touch or move luggage or bags (obsessive compulsive tendencies). I’m going to do some more research on youtube, and be on the lookout for stimming behavior.
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Van Halen’s tour rider has the important stipulation that there will be “M&M’s (WARNING: ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES).” Uh huh, my kid prefers to only eat green ones, if possible.
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"Meat just makes me really uncomfortable. Cocaine, not so much."
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Mr. Cent stipulates “THERE IS TO BE NO BEEF … IN THE VICINITY OF 50 CENT’S DRESSING OR CATERING ROOMS.” He doesn’t even want to smell that beef, so DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT bringing it anywhere near him…or he will meltdown like nobody’s business and bust a cap in yo ass!
Food aversions, sound familiar???
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These guys demand that “BACON – VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL AND DURING DAY.” Wait, nevermind, that’s totally normal.
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Yeah, totally normal...
Prince or ^^*%$ (I don’t have his particular symbol, so use your imagination)
The purple pimp of Minneapolis says “All items in dressing room must be covered by clear plastic wrap until uncovered by main artist. This is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.” He doesn’t like people to touch his stuff. And if memory serves, he also licks his hands…
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When Russell was filming “Cinderella Man”, Russell “had to have black curtains in his dressing room so he wouldn’t have to see anyone and no one could see him” (no eye contact). We don’t want to look at you anyway, Russell.
As you can see, our children’s “quirks” are really not much different from the important demands of these very normal and functional celebrities. It’s very likely that our children will someday be riding in limos, demanding only square crackers, not round ones, and refusing to speak or make eye contact…just like they do now, minus the limo.
Or, most celebrities are on the spectrum.
Nah, it’s the first one.
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