Ahhhh, springtime!!
The weather is warming up, the flowers are blooming, and happiness abounds. But in my house I don’t even need a calendar to tell me it’s springtime, because there are signs all around me. Following are the five things in my world that herald in the change of seasons.
1. Visitors
The critters are out. Yesterday there was an opossum the size of a cocker spaniel in the backyard. The dogs all rushed outside to defend their territory. Old dog, Bailey, expressed his displeasure about the interloper by taking a gigantic dump near the bush. The Dingo, Dora, stood ten feet away from the bush the critter was hiding in and proceeded to bark. For half an hour. Auntie’s dog, the little chihuahua, rushed right into the bush in an “I think I’m a German shepherd” attack mode, and had to be pulled out since he’s smaller than the intruder. And finally, Connor ran around in circles yelling “where is the opossum, I can’t see it, where is it!!”
2. Pollen
I go through a box of Puffs Plus every other day. Thanks seasonal allergies!!
3. Mating Season
Every day we find Connor’s stuffed blue bunny somewhere in the living room. The dingo has been sneaking around in his bedroom and stealing it when no one is looking. It’s always on the floor, or in her dog kennel, lying on its side, wet with dog slobber after she tires of making it her bitch.
4. Mating Season, Take 2
Old dog, Bailey, is elderly and slow. He has a kind, amiable personality, and the face of a happy, but weathered and beat down insurance salesman, named Larry. When he lays his head on our lap, we always say “sorry Larry, but I have all the life insurance I need right now.” But now that it’s springtime, every night at 9pm Larry drags his pillow out to the living room, drops it in front of the couch where we’re relaxing, and humps the daylights out of it. Larry, it seems, is a closet exhibitionist.
Later that night, pillows and bunnies forgotten, canine love blossoms.
5. Springtime Weddings
The final sign of springtime? On Friday I picked Connor up from the Y afterschool program. A girl from his class, Sarah, came over and asked, “Are you Connor’s mom?” I tell her that I am, and she proceeds to announce “Connor asked me to marry him.” Connor later confirms that, indeed, he has popped the big question. I ask him what getting married means, and he says “I don’t know, but I asked Sarah and she said yes.” Well that’s just super. But tell me, what does the mother of the groom wear to a kindergarten wedding??
I always well up at Jewish kindergarten weddings.
Don't make me ask again.
