Are You Weird?

One of the most common things we worry about as parents of spectrum kids, besides getting them the hell out of our house someday, is whether they will be able to fit in with typical peers.  While we may not ever try to make them stop flapping or spinning because we respect them deeply, we still have that nagging feeling deep down that others will notice their unusual behavior and use that as a reason to tease or devalue our children.

Most people are familiar with the stim of flapping.  But I know that there are many other stims, as well as soothing/relaxing behaviors out there.  I decided to ask several other parent bloggers I know to describe some of the stims/behaviors in their homes, and the purpose they serve.

“Chronically picking at the insides/cuticles of thumbs, peeling anything where the surface is coming off, like bark off of sticks or paint and wallpaper.” Kristin, Running to Be Still

“Unable to concentrate unless hands are clean/obsessive hand washing.”  Jill “that nutjob with curly hair”, Yeah. Good Times

“Trichotillomania; preferences for numbers to add up to multiples of 12.” Adrienne, No Points for Style

“Twiddling fingers like they’re playing an invisible keyboard – it’s calming and feels like they’re shaking out stress.” Carmen, Stay at Home Crazy

“Typing words on the palm of the hand like it’s a keyboard; playing mental math games by assigning a number to each letter and trying to make a word add up to a multiple of 5.” Jessica, Don’t Mind the Mess

“Vocal stims/noises when falling asleep.” Amanda,Confessions from Household Six

“Twitching toes, both inside shoes and at bedtime to relax.”Jean, Stimeyland

“Chronic picking of scabs, cuticles, dry skin; scalp massages for the soothing effect; multiple blankets for weight.” Eileen, Autism With a Side of Fries

“Obsessed with using peppermint oil or Tiger Balm on the body as a sensory input; hot beverages when upset/anxious; pacing when stressed; removing and redoing ponytail when ready to meltdown.” Jo, Jo Ashline; A Sweet Dose of Truth

“Interlocking hands and moving fingers in a rapid pattern when excited or nervous.  Will also reach arms up and put fingers in hair in an attempt to hide it.” Maya, Maya’s Eye Photography

“Doodling with pen and paper.” Jen, Anybody Want a Peanut

“Vacuuming – the hum, movement and lines are soothing.” Lizbeth, Four Sea Stars

“Tapping thumbs and fingers together. Karla, Beyond the Dryer Vent

“Rubs feet together when going to sleep; cuticle picking; wall of pillows when sleeping; heavy blankets.” Anonymous, My Winter Butterflies

“Prefers crisp fabric, like denim or khaki, and fingers the fabric repeatedly.”  Patty, Pancakes Gone Awry

“Picking eyebrows and cuticles; chewing on hair or necklace; heavy blankets.”  Stephanie, On the Beans

“Rubbing fingers together; pushing hair behind ears; obsessed with word games.”  Marj, The Domestic Goddess

“Thumb-sucking; running fingers over eyelashes.”  Anonymous

“Thumb-picking; pulling at eyebrows.” Tim, Both Hands and a Flashlight

“Rubbing feet together at bedtime; face-picking.” Lexi, Mostly True Stuff

“Constant humming or singing; picking at cuticles.” Anne, Glass Half Full

“Oral fixation – chewing on straws, pencil erasers, pencils, gum; picking cuticles.” Niksmom, Maternal Instincts

“Typing on the keyboard very loudly.” Gabrielle, My Whac-A-Mole Life

After reading that list, you must be thinking, “Wow, how will those kids ever be functional adults with all those odd, quirky stims and coping mechanisms?”  And you’re right, there are some pretty unusual things there.  But the good news is that they are already functional adults, because the behaviors that each person described are their behaviors.  They are the quirks and routines of the parents, not the autistic child.

The people on this list are lawyers, accountants, healthcare professionals, entrepreneurs, computer professionals, housewives and writers.  They have families and jobs and therapy appointments and household responsibilities.  They’re your friends and neighbors.  In short, they’re YOU.  See, we all have habits and odd, quirky ways that we cope with life’s stressors.  Some developed in childhood, while others came later, when adult responsibilities took shape.

Our children are not so different from us.  It’s just that they haven’t developed the ability to “hide” their quirks as well as we have.  Flapping, spinning, repeating movie lines, jumping – none of those seems so “unique” to autism when you read the above list.  It seems that we all find ways to interact with our environment and process the sensory input in our own “special” way.

The bottom line is this:  stop CARING what other people think.  Our kiddos will make their way, in THEIR way, and at the end of the day all that matters is that they’re healthy, happy, and loved.  Anyone that would look oddly at our children is the same person that’s going home to drink too much, pick their scabs, or rock themselves to sleep.

We’re all pretty weird.  Some of us know how to hide it, and others are more organic.  It’s kind of refreshing, that honesty and purity.  Celebrate it.

Shining a Light in Dark Places

Although there is generally no shortage of differing opinions between autism parents, or different approaches to intervention, one thing we all have in common is our love for our children.  We also share the universal drive for them to be accepted in school and the community, to be understood, to be valued.

After the horrific events that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary, news reports and articles were seen everywhere, and a great many, in their haste to report something, indicated that the shooter was autistic, specifically, a person with Asperger’s.  That reporting set off a nightmarish chain of events in which ill-informed people, believing that autism could be attributed to planned violence, made hateful comments and put up Facebook pages calling for extermination of autistics.

Our community has worked so hard for so long to educate others about autism, and to acquire acceptance and inclusion.

It felt like more than defeat.  It was alarming.  Frightening.  We cried, and held our children closer, and we feared the backlash.

But then we got back to work.  We made signs to share across Facebook.  I made this one:

Others started sharing pictures of their loved ones, with meaningful descriptions.  Someone had an idea to put all the pictures in one place.  Tim Tucker, from Both Hands and a Flashlight, had a FB page that was empty, waiting to be used.  He offered up the page, as well as worked to create a website, and Autism Shines was born.

We couldn’t believe how quickly it grew.  Although it was created just a couple of days before Christmas, the FB page acquired 2,000 fans in less than 48 hours, and amassed a few hundred photos.  The website is now operational, and is gaining in popularity as well.

Such a simple concept.  A place to say, “this is my amazing, beautiful child,” as well as a place for adult autistics to say, “look at me, I’m just like YOU!”

It began as a tiny candle flame and is growing into the brightest light of hope and truth on the web.  It’s a place to say “we will not allow the darkness of the Sandy Hook tragedy to cast a shadow on our light.”

I hope you will visit and share your light too.  I shared mine.

This little light of mine…

Please visit the Autism Shines Facebook page here.

And the Autism Shines web page is here.

And a special thank you to the team of individuals who have worked on this project:

• Tim Tucker – blogger at Both Hands and a Flashlight and author of I Am An Autism Parent
• Jessica Watson – blogger at Four Plus an Angel
• Lexi Magnusson – blogger at Mostly True Stuff
• Flannery Sullivan – blogger at Living on the Spectrum:  The Connor Chronicles
• Jill Smo – blogger at Yeah. Good Times.
• Danielle A. – blogger at ProfMomEsq

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Because I Miss Them, Even Tweeker Charlie

Somehow, yesterday, I was involved in a Facebook conversation that took a right turn straight into the archives of Lost.  Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  You remember, I KNOW you remember.  Just like I know that as soon as you read 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 you will be itching to push a button to keep the magnetic energy from bursting forth and wreaking havoc on our planet.

This conversation left me feeling odd.  It was like a flashback to the feelings I had when the series ended; that strange out-of-sorts, slightly dizzy and confused feeling.  And sad…profoundly sad.  Like you’ve been inside a dim casino for 18 hours and you step outside and it’s noon and you have to squint because the light is hurting your eyes.  Like that.

Luckily, I was able to read a post by Jillsmo that was written before blogging was even cool.  It’s that old.  And I was able to feel at peace again.  Although, still a little out-of-sorts because let’s face it, there hasn’t been a new show to come close to the awesomeness of Lost.  Not even close.

So I’m rerunning it here.  Because I can.  And because she said I could, and it sure beats the hell out of the nothing that I was going to post today.  By a long shot.

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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Sweet, sweet relief

It’s over. Lost is over. It feels like this enormous burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I’m now free to fly like a bird. A crazy bird made out of black smoke that makes strange popping sounds and you can see faces in it when you look at it closely and then it kills you. Yeah, that kind of frickin bird.

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Never again will I hear “come with me if you want to know the secrets of the Island,” because I know, now, that I will never know the secrets of the Island. Or will I? Or maybe I already know the secrets of the Island but just don’t realize it? Something about a vagina cave that glows a yellow light full of water which keeps evil contained, but only if you keep the cervical plug constantly in place? Or maybe it’s about a wheel that makes you travel through time, but only if you push a button every 108 minutes and then cases of food and beer will magically fall from the sky? No, wait! I know! It’s actually all about the dog. Vincent is the key that holds the whole thing together, constantly barking in the background (you just can’t see him and it sounds like whispering but trust me, it’s actually the dog).

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And what about all those unanswered questions, anyway? What killed all those French people? Was it the Man in Black, silently corrupting them into killing themselves? And why am I the only person who cares that the Man in Black WAS ACTUALLY WEARING BLUE????

That shirt is fucking BLUE, people. IT’S BLUE. CHRIST!  And remember in the early season when Locke and Ben go into the shack where Jacob is supposed to be and you hear a voice say “Help me” ? Who said that, exactly, because it wasn’t Jacob and it wasn’t his blue clad brother. But, do we care? No, we don’t care anymore, because the stupid thing is over and we can get on with our lives with the freedom that whatever questions we still have will never be answered by anybody other than Fan Fiction writers who don’t know any more than the rest of us do.

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I am now free to live the rest of my life with my head held high, never again being forced to spend the day cursing the writers under my breath because they cut to a goddamn commercial instead of telling us the secret of the Island and then never got back to it (whoops!). Never again will I be frustrated when an arrow comes flying out of nowhere and lands in the neck of the guy promising to take me to the cave which holds all the answers. So, my friends, go off … go, and live your lives. Your burden of frustration and lack of closure has been permanently lifted. Sleep well with the knowledge that in the end, Jack, in his christ-like wisdom, martyred himself to save the Island and therefore the world but ended up boning Kate in heaven for eternity as his reward. Hurley got to drive around a giant yellow penis car, which is totally necessary in LA, you know, and bright yellow is actually a much better camouflage than you would think. Sayid and Shannon ended up together in eternity because they boned that one time after knowing each other for a week, but not Sayid and his wife, the woman he spent years searching the world for and who died in his arms in the street, because she wasn’t on the Island so she doesn’t get to go to the church. Locke gets to walk and Claire gets to be sane while Ben has to sit outside on the benches because he’s a fucking asshole and deserves to be left out. All we need to know, really, is that it’s over. It’s finally, fucking over.

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UPDATE: Holy fucking shit I knew it! Didn’t I tell you?? I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

Flat Flannery Friday #8, A Murder in Blogville

You may have noticed there was no Flat Flannery post last Friday.  Or maybe you didn’t.  Doesn’t matter, because I’m telling you there wasn’t.

She never came back from her sabbatical with Rachel.  She was missing.  I searched high and low.  Well, mostly low.  I mean, she’s flat, right?

Then this came in the mail several days ago:

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Murder.  Or REDRUM, if you’re of the horror flick persuasion.

But who?  What kind of monster would do such a thing?  Someone that drives a Honda.

I put my crafty and stealthy detective skills to work.  Wait…stealthy or stealth??  Whatever, I put my super duper totally awesome detective skills to work.  There.

And look what I found:

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Look closely at this picture I found in the blogosphere.  You can just make out part of the H, in Honda, on the steering wheel.

Let’s get another view of that photo, one with the rearview mirror:

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Jillsmo, from Yeah. Good Times.  I should have known.

She even disposed of the body.

I should have seen this coming, especially after the snake incident.  But hey, I was kind of sick of her anyway.

And so, friends, in memory of Flat Flannery who travelled near and far:

Flat Flannery Friday #2

It’s time again for Flat Flannery Friday.  If you’re saying to yourself, “what in the hell is that”, then you can click here to get caught up.

This week finds Flat Flannery trekking to Berkeley, California, to visit with Jillsmo, from Yeah.  Good Times.  Sadly, I cannot report that all was hunky dory in hippieville.  There’s something dark going on in the land of Birkenstocks.

You see, during Flanny’s visit, she bore witness to some questionable events.  Of course, one would certainly expect any visit involving Jillsmo to be questionable.  It seems that on one day, while Flanny was enjoying the shade of a large tree, she saw Jillsmo spying on her neighbor, and eavesdropping on their phone call.  It was certainly in poor taste, to say the least.

Things went further downhill the next morning.  While Flanny sat in a local bagel shop, people watching out the window as she is prone to do, she witnessed Jillsmo, up to no good again.  Right there on the street, Jillsmo verbally assaulted an environmental activist who was trying desperately to spread the word about the dangers of radiation.  Flanny couldn’t believe her crooked eyes.

That evening, she confronted Jillsmo.  Of course, Jillsmo made excuses for her behavior.  But she had an evil plan brewing.  It started with liquor, which should be no surprise, since it is Jillsmo, after all.

But this was no party.  After Jillsmo convinced Flannery to consume copious amounts of liquor, she tried to “get rid of her,” to keep the sordid details of the visit a secret.

Yes, she tried to feed Flanny to a snake.  Let this be a lesson that you can’t trust every blogger you meet online!

Luckily, Flanny made a narrow escape, hitched a ride to the airport with the environmental activist, and has already embarked on her next adventure.

Jillsmo, however, remains at large in Berkeley.

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An Open Letter to the Other Parents of Berkeley – Guest Post

So a few days ago I asked the illustrious Jillsmo, from Yeah. Good Times to Guest Post for me.  She was super excited to do it for me (I bribed her with pizza and beer).  She meant to get it to me yesterday, but something happened with vodka.  I’m not really sure.

 BUT, she was SUPER excited to send me this one:  “I whipped this one out (of my ass) for you.”

*sniff*

 And here it is!

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Dear Other Parents Who Live in Berkeley:

Okay, people: here’s the deal. Yeah, I’m super liberal, and it seems like I fit in around here,  but I’ve started to suspect that some of my parenting habits might get me kicked out of town if you all actually knew about them. So, I’ve decided to own these habits of mine and then get on with my life. I think it will be cleansing (you know, like in that stupid “spiritual cleansing” kind of way, that you guys do).

I didn’t breastfeed either of my kids. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, it just apparently wasn’t in the cards for us. You didn’t know about this because pulling a bottle out in a public location will actually get you a lecture from the hippie lady at the next table, so I kept all that stuff at home.

We go to McDonalds. Yes. We do. We frequent the huge mega-conglomerate evil fast food chain that makes our kids fat just by walking by one. I know, you’ve picketed and petitioned to get them out of town, but you lost, and there are 2 of these places in our town. And we go there. About once a week.

I go to Starbucks; like… a lot. I really like my mochas and I’ve been to every single place in town and tried every mocha available, and since there is no Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf around here, I’ve decided that Starbucks has the best mochas. I know, they use prison labor to make their cups. I KNOW they treat their employees badly, or something, I don’t know: who cares? They have good chocolate there, and good chocolate is the key to a good mocha.

My kids spend a lot of time in front of a computer; they each have their own (thank you, Grandparents!). I know, this will automatically make them fat and have  ADHD or something, and yet… I still let them. Because sometimes I have to work (or blog) and I don’t have the time to keep the 5 year old entertained. And you know what else? When YOUR kid comes over, that’s all they do when they’re here. Your kid really wants a computer, by the way.  Like… really wants one.

I drive my kids to school every morning. I know we only live 6 blocks away, but I always have to run off to some far away location to work immediately afterwards and I just don’t have the time to walk them up the street and then walk myself back to where my car is… so, we drive. Every day. And now that we’re in the habit of driving, I will even drive them on the days when I don’t work.

I hate bicycles. Fucking hate them. I hate riding them. I hate other people who ride them. They annoy the hell out of me when I’m driving. I don’t own one, neither of my kids have one (they have never wanted one; they have scooters) and as long as I can  help it, we will never get one.

I don’t do Yoga. I could never coordinate my frantic arm movements with all that crazy breathing you’re supposed to do, so I gave up very quickly. Also, I hate the sun and I like the rain, and if one more of you asks me if I’m enjoying this beautiful weather I’m going to fucking kick you in the shins.

I let my 5 year old watch Family Guy with me, and it’s had a really bad influence on him. The other day he wanted to know how old you have to be to have sex.

We have never done a family bed, because I never get a wink of sleep when they’re next to me.

I have never ever brought my own wooden silverware to a potluck, nor would I ever even consider it.

So, there you are: my list of sins against you, the City of Berkeley. OH MY GOD I hope nobody I know reads this, because I actually like living here, despite all of this, and I really don’t want to get run out of town for my sins. I do wear Birkenstocks every day, though, so that should balance some of this out, right? RIGHT?

Meet the Neighbors

When I started blogging, lo those many weeks ago, I thought, like many a new blogger, that I would just write some things and post them out there in blogging space.  My mistake was in not realising there’s an entire community of bloggers out there, networked and working collaboratively.  Whatever your topic may be, there are others out  there, and sooner or later you will stumble upon them.

I blog in the autism/parenting/humor/special needs/random crazy thoughts genre.  There are many others, tirelessly writing about how autism affects their lives.  They are spreading autism awareness all year long.  Since this is autism awareness month, I thought it would be nice to highlight them, and profile the “neighbors.”

I don’t know any of them on a personal level.  I read their blogs and tweets and, as we are prone to do, have encapsulated them in my mind and assigned them personalities, according to what I’ve read.  As a result, the following information may be a dead-on description, or it may be a purely fictional impression, created in my own imagination. 

Meet a few of your autism blogging neighbors:

Autism Army Mom, AKA Lynn.  I started with her because, frankly, she scares me a little.  She’s been doing this a long time, and she means business.  She blogs with a great family style of humor, so no one is ever offended.  Mostly.  She is uber-dedicated to finding services and supports for her adorable daughter.  I suspect she runs a tight ship, and her house is never in disarray.  Also, the pictures of her make me think she has a ton of nervous energy, and is always pushing her hair back, behind her ears, from a nervous habit.  Don’t mess with her though, because I have a strong suspicion she’s like Carmela Soprano.  Her hands don’t get dirty, but the trash gets taken out.   But you didn’t hear that from me.

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Big Daddy Autism (BDA) also lives on the block.  He’s like an enigma, wrapped in a mystery,  wrapped in salami.  He is also a super savvy business mogul, wheeling and dealing behind the scenes (kind of like Charlie Sheen, but bigger, and with less hair).  He’s found himself a nice little niche.  There are very few dad autism bloggers, and none that are also cartoonists.  This is a great way to work your way into a book deal.  It doesn’t hurt that he’s like a sheik, with a harem of mommy bloggers.  His cartoons are excellent, his family adorable, and his humor is mostly funny.  But he’s also like an onion.  You peel away the goofy dad layer, and you get to the businessman.  You peel that away, and you get to the soft mushy inside, that might make you cry.  Not because of the smell.  I’m not saying that.  Nope.

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Solo Dialogue (Karen) is new on the blog block.  She’s a lawyer, with an adorable little boy with autism.  She is always kind, always thoughtful, and is a cheerleader for her bloggy neighbors.  As a lawyer, her writing is always thorough, well thought out, and never includes bad language.  She’s not the neighbor that will get drunk with you, but she will always bring her trash cans in promptly, and the lawn will always be well manicured.

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Meet Laura, at Life in the House That Asperger Built.  Everyone in her house is on the spectrum.  And they all practice martial arts.  She’s super nice, and will answer any Aspie question you have, but if you play the music too loud and assault their senses, she’s likely to pull out some karate moves on you.  You can get back into her good graces by talking to her at length about algebra.  Yep, she’s a math nerd and will love it.

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Lizbeth, at Four Sea Stars, doesn’t have a blog button, so I found this photo for her.  I hope she likes it.  She is super mom, with a wicked funny sense of humor.  And she’s not shy about dropping some F-bombs, but not in front of the kids.  Weird things happen to her all the time, like hail from hell and horses dodging trains.  Or maybe she’s that neighbor, that has had everything happen to her??  Either way, she’s good entertainment, but possibly bad luck!

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Meet your crazy neighbor, Jillsmo, from Yeah. Good Times.  Steer clear when she’s on the road, as she’s prone to running over things, like wildlife.  You’ll need extra wine for the neighborhood BBQ, as Jillsmo likes to “tip it.”  She’s a really good mom, but she probably teaches the kids curse words and how to make fart sounds with their armpits.  She’ll grow on you.  Not like a fungus or anything.  Like something else.  I’m not sure what.

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By no means is this a complete list of the autism blogging “neighborhood.”  I just ran out of steam, and vodka, so it’s time to cut it off.  There are many more equally talented, funny, and strange bloggy friends out there.  Perhaps there will be a “Meet the Neighbors, Part Deux”, if I’m not mysteriously run down by a cackling, curly-headed suburbanite.

Seriously, if you don’t see another post from me…

 

 

 

 

Don't act like you don't see this. I know you're looking right at it. Just click it already.

 

 

 

 

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Mea Culpa

I have a confession to make, but I’m really, really embarrassed about it.

Here goes.

I forgot to pick up the blue lightbulbs at Home Depot.

I know.  Pathetic and shameful.  A hypocrite!

The nerve of her!

I even gave Jillsmo, over at Yeah.  Good Times. a mildly hard time about her anti-LightItUpBlue post.  She’s probably sharpening her claws right this second.

Go ahead, BRING IT.  I’ve got it coming.

So, I’m sorry.  I’m hanging my head in shame.  For reals.

But…instead of buying and putting in blue lightbulbs, I did something else.

I took my autistic son to his school carnival…during the evening hours, which is typically the hardest part of the day.

 And he behaved like an angel.  The vice principal and his teacher were there, and they got to see that he can behave just fine around other kids, with support.

 That was how I spread awareness last night, instead of turning on a blue porch light.  And I don’t know if anyone there became any more aware of autism because we attended, but I do know that I wouldn’t have missed this joyous moment for anything.

Autism WTF on Blogradio

Just finished listening to the most recent Autism WTF show, on blogradio, with Big Daddy Autism and Lynn from Autism Army Mom.  Awesome show about the challenges of public places with a child with autism.

Check them out:

 

 

They also had special guest, Jillsmo, from Yeah.  Good Times.  See who the first person to drop a swear word was!

Doo-dads and What-nots

You may have noticed that over there on the right side, there are some words.  If you’re like me, you might not have paid much attention to them, but rest assured, they are trying to tell you something.

For instance, there’s a box over there that looks like this:

No, don't click this one, click the other one. Over THERE, on the right side.

If you click on that box, a new window opens up to www.topmommyblogs.com, which is a list of, well, the top mommy blogs.  AND your click gives me a vote.  This is my way to become popular with all the cool bloggers.  I was never the homecoming queen, so it’s all I’ve got.   Help me out.  Also, if you could come back and click on it every 24-hours, that would be great.  Just set a reminder on your Iphone or Android, or give me your number and I’ll call you.  Whatever works.

Also, I have links to other cool sites and blogs.  I know, I’m referring you to  other blogs, but it’s all good.  I have enough self-esteem to believe that you’ll come back.

Some of the cool sites I recommend are:

For SUPER FUNNY stories, with SUPER COOL drawings, http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.  I love this chick, so will you.

For funny/thought-provoking mom blogs, check out:  http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com, and also http://www.autismarmymom.com.

There’s also a funny/thought-provoking dad blog, WITH cartoons (bonus!) at:  http://bigdaddyautism.com.

There are other links there to check out on the right side, and more to be added, so I wanted to make sure I helped you find your way over there.