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Miscellaneous Rambling. About Cake.

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You know how sometimes when you’re shopping something catches your eye and causes you to come to an abrupt stop?  Yesterday I was in the grocery store cake aisle (yay!) looking for Jello instant pudding (boo!), when I stopped short, and my head whipped around (maybe it’s my tiger blood that makes me acutely aware of any changes in my regular territory).  Look what caught my eye:

Yes Paula, I DO want that chocolate cake.

You know Paula, right?  She’s the well-coifed southern belle that whips up all that sinful comfort food.  Look at her, she’s got cake mix now.  Chocolate cake mix.  And look at her white teeth, and blonde hair.  You want that cake, don’t you??

Now, strategically placed right next to Paula, is this:

What. The. Fuck.

What the hell is that??  What’s wrong with that Nora woman?  Why did she not do something with her hair?  Couldn’t she have put on some makeup before her cake box photo shoot?

Hell to the no.

For a very long time I have asserted my belief that Paula Deen is, in fact, the devil incarnate.  No, really.  Under that poofy blonde hair there are horns.  Look at her.  Go ahead, take a long look, I’ll wait.  Okay, can you see under that smile the evil that lurks within?  I mean, I look at her, and I immediately know that Paula will cut a bitch, for no good reason.  But still, if I’m going to buy someone’s cake, it’s going to be the devil’s.  Seriously, who do you think makes better cake?

Come on, take just one bite of my cake…

Poor Nora. What hope does she have of proving that her all-natural cake is moist and delicious, when it’s next to satan’s Paula’s chocolate devil cake??  Slim to none, that’s what I say.  Especially when the devil’s cake is over a dollar less!

Sooooo, all natural, washed out, pasty yellow cake, or creamy, rich, delicious, well-groomed and coiffed chocolate cake?  Let’s hope Nora has a day job to fall back on.


About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

6 responses »

  1. realanonymousgirl2011

    Thank you. That made me laugh. I have the same problem when I go grocery shopping and I smell the fried chicken from the deli. There’s just something about fried chicken that smells so freakin’ good!

  2. Paula is southern for butter.

  3. I have spent so many nights with Paula Deen that my wife should be jealous.

  4. Nora doesn’t stand a chance. I get she’s all natural but for God’s sake put a little make-up on…

    BD–as long as your wife doen’t ask “is that a stick of butter or are you happy to see me?” I think we’re all OK….

  5. Ooooh…I’m so with you on this one. My mom has a refrigerator magnet that says “never trust a skinny cook”. I’ll bet Nora is skinny in addition to poorly coiffed…

  6. Unless you need 4 sticks of butter and a jug of alcohol, Paula Deen style, it’s not worth the calories.


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