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Sick, the Morning After

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I’ve been sick with this nasty chest cold/sinus infection/death plague that’s been going around, so I haven’t posted, or even really thought about things to post.  But now that I’ve written that, it made me start thinking about posting.  And that made me think about blogs, which has me sort of re-examining things.

You know how you decide one day that you have so much going on, and so much to say, that you’re going to start a blog?  And you tell yourself, “Yeah, I don’t even care if anyone reads it, it’s really a way for me to have an outlet for all this stuff in my head.”  So you jump right on google and search for best blogging sites.  And even though you’ve never done this before, you just read a couple of reviews and go ahead and pick yourself a free blog host site.  I mean, what the fuck, it can’t be that hard.

So then you have to decide what you’re going to call the thing.  So you pick the first catchy phrase that comes to mind (except later you will think of something even more catchy, but then it will seem like it’s too late to just up and change the name of the blog).  And then you fiddle around with the themes and settings and doo-hickeys on the blog site, and get some half-assed page up.  But then, even though it’s really just for you and it doesn’t matter, you decide to upload an image to associate with your blog.  I mean, might as well make it pretty.

So then, you write a couple of posts.  But since this is new, they’re kind of like essays for social studies class, because you haven’t really found your “voice” yet.  But hey, you wrote something, and it’s a start.  It’s not like anyone is going to read it anyway, it’s really only for you.  And maybe your family.

But then, you discover the “stats” area on your blog dashboard.  And you’re like, “what’s that?”  And you discover that you can track how many people are reading your blog, and you realize that 5 people visited your blog yesterday.  Then you’re counting in your head, me, hubby, sis…that’s 3…OMG, 2 PEOPLE READ MY BLOG!  And you’re like, wow, I better get crackin’.

So you start writing and posting and writing and posting.  And then you’re checking your stats ten three times a day.  But you can’t seem to get past that 10 or 12 number, so you start googling how to increase blog traffic.  So then you start visiting all these other blogs, and commenting, and adding them to your blogroll.  Then all of a sudden your numbers start jumping, and you’re feeling all super chipper.  THEN, you get a pingback notice, and you tell hubby how awesome you are, because some other blogger referenced you on their site, because you’re that cool.  And then he asks you what’s for dinner, and you’re all “whatever, I have to write a new post.”

But then you get sick.  And you can’t post for a few days, or read other people’s posts, nor do you give a shit about the blog world because you’re trying to figure out where all this mucous is coming from.  But your cell phone keeps making those notification sounds, because it’s an Android and it notifies you every single time you get an email.  And those emails are post notifications, from other bloggers that are not sick.  And you’re thinking, “Don’t they know I’m sick?  Are they trying to make me look bad on purpose?”

A couple of days later, you’re feeling a tiny bit better, just enough to drag yourself out of the house and back to work, so you can be minimally productive.  And you start thinking about your damn blog and how you better write something before you drop off the blog map, even though this stupid thing was just supposed to be for you in the first place, but now you have to keep the stats up because your stats now correlate directly with your self-esteem.  So you blow your nose (again) and you try to think.

And sadly, this is all you come up with.  This crap right here.

I know, I know...I can't believe it either. I'm so ashamed.


But hopefully your illness has gained you some sympathetic readers, and they will click here anyway.

I’ll try and do better tomorrow…


About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

7 responses »

  1. Get the “F” of the computer!! I need to know what’s for dinner!!?

  2. That damn stats area! It’s like crack isn’t it? (Not that I would know what crack is like but that is what I imagine that crackheads feel.) Could not stop laughing! Glad you felt well enough to get back to it!!

  3. I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s like I just read Greek or something…LOL

    I hope you’re feeling better!

  4. OH this is hilarious. You have perfectly captured the evolution of blogging. Trust me, it only gets worse. Audrey only gets baths quarterly now and takes all of her meals by IV.

  5. OMG are we living together? Sick, stats, guilt. The triangle of self obsession here baby!

  6. OMG, too funny! I just created my blog not to long ago. Some of it was for me, some for my family, and some because I just want to be able to have an answer when people say “What’s your site/http/blog name?” I have no idea what my “voice” is at this point… It’s just so real, that it’s funny. Thanks 🙂


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