The other day, in my sick haze, I wandered into the bathroom. I sat down, and became confused. Why was I wet, when I had not even peed yet? And I shouldn’t be wet back there. Things slowly started clicking into place in my feeble mind. As I was cleaning up, I also noticed the floor next to the toilet was wet, indicating serious shenanigans were afoot. I marched out to the living room.
“Did you just go potty,” I demanded of my five-year-old.
“Did you pee on the floor?”
I’m met with a doe-eyed gaze, “no.”
“Come with me and show me where you pottied.” I march the boy into the bathroom, and he points to the toilet.
I say, “now, show me how you did it.” He proceeds to put up the toilet seat, and point to the middle of the ring. Here’s a diagram:
As you can see, he thought it would be fun to aim up, through the hole of the seat, while the seat was up. This is because, for boys, peeing isn’t just a purely utilitarian task. It can be made into a game or contest at any moment, for pure entertainment value. Of course it did not occur to him that he would be getting the seat wet, and it would all drip down onto the floor, as illustrated in my drawing.
I explained all this, and he apologized, so I didn’t get too upset. But I did hand him the container of Lysol wipes, and told him to clean it up. I wanted to make sure that 99.9% of those nasty germs were cleaned up. I can go back with a blowtorch later to get that last 0.1%.
At least he’s not peeing in his bedroom closet anymore. But that’s a different story.