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Ode to Springtime

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Ahhhh, springtime!!

The weather is warming up, the flowers are blooming, and happiness abounds.  But in my house I don’t even need a calendar to tell me it’s springtime, because there are signs all around me.  Following are the five things in my world that herald in the change of seasons.

1.  Visitors

The critters are out.  Yesterday there was an opossum the size of a cocker spaniel in the backyard.  The dogs all rushed outside to defend their territory.  Old dog, Bailey, expressed his displeasure about the interloper by taking a gigantic dump near the bush.  The Dingo, Dora, stood ten feet away from the bush the critter was hiding in and proceeded to bark.  For half an hour.  Auntie’s dog, the little chihuahua, rushed right into the bush in an “I think I’m a German shepherd” attack mode, and had to be pulled out since he’s smaller than the intruder.  And finally, Connor ran around in circles yelling “where is the opossum, I can’t see it, where is it!!”

2.  Pollen

I go through a box of Puffs Plus every other day.  Thanks seasonal allergies!!

3.  Mating Season

Every day we find Connor’s stuffed blue bunny somewhere in the living room.  The dingo has been sneaking around in his bedroom and stealing it when no one is looking.  It’s always on the floor, or in her dog kennel, lying on its side, wet with dog slobber after she tires of making it her bitch.

4.  Mating Season, Take 2

Old dog, Bailey, is elderly and slow.  He has a kind, amiable personality, and the face of a happy, but weathered and beat down insurance salesman, named Larry.  When he lays his head on our lap, we always say “sorry Larry, but I have all the life insurance I need right now.”  But now that it’s springtime, every night at 9pm Larry drags his pillow out to the living room, drops it in front of the couch where we’re relaxing, and humps the daylights out of it.  Larry, it seems, is a closet exhibitionist.

Later that night, pillows and bunnies forgotten, canine love blossoms.

 

5.  Springtime Weddings

The final sign of springtime?  On Friday I picked Connor up from the Y afterschool program.  A girl from his class, Sarah, came over and asked, “Are you Connor’s mom?”  I tell her that I am, and she proceeds to announce “Connor asked me to marry him.”  Connor later confirms that, indeed, he has popped the big question.  I ask him what getting married means, and he says “I don’t know, but I asked Sarah and she said yes.”  Well that’s just super.  But tell me, what does the mother of the groom wear to a kindergarten wedding??

I always well up at Jewish kindergarten weddings.

.
 

Don't make me ask again.

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

12 responses »

  1. The stuffed animal honey mooning and child marriage proposals are new scripting for the next desparate mommies of over-pollenated suburbia. LMAO – that’s just so funny!

    Reply
  2. Oops desperate …. cant’ spell either.

    Reply
  3. I feel your pain. Anthony married his friend Alayna at 3 years of age. I’m pleased to announce there are no grand-children expected for the next decade or so. *fingers crossed*.

    Our pug Xena has the same obssession. I’ll try to post a link to a picture I posted on my FB page last night. You will totally “get it”.

    Reply
  4. Thanks for the giggle. I needed it. 🙂

    Reply
  5. our old man dog no longer humps anything inanimate, but he will try to bang ANY dog at the park, male or female. He doesn’t discriminate.

    But being a chihuahua, he is never very successful.

    Reply
  6. This post made me snort hot tea through my nose. We have a chihuahua and a bullmastiff (little and large ) and the chi seriously thinks he’s a rottweiler!! But the bullmastiff is the biggest scaredy cat of all time!! She’d probably bark menacingly while edging her way back into the safety of the kitchen. **shakes head**

    I hate seasonal allergies. I get mine really late so every year I think “maybe I’ve finally kicked them?!” and then I get beat the fuck down.

    Reply
  7. What is it with dogs humping things?!? It’s like a train wreck–you want to turn away but you just can’t make your eyes stop looking….you could bring the dogs to the wedding, then it won’t matter what you wear. All eyes will be on the dogs humping.

    Reply
  8. Signs of spring in our neck of the woods? None. We have 2 seasons. Beautiful and Raining.

    Reply
  9. You rendered me speechless yesterday when I came by and you know that’s near impossible to do! What can I say? Too much doggie mating leads to childhood marriage proposals? No, that would not be nice… You taught me that opossum rather than possum in correct in North America? No – too obscure. Here’s to allergies? No – inappropriate. I got nothin’ 😉

    Reply
  10. Oh man I hate horny insurance salesmen. That describes every Friday night when I was single, no matter what the season.

    Reply
  11. I can’t believe you actually found a picture of a Jewish kindergarten wedding.

    *high five*

    Reply
  12. Pingback: Big Pimpin’ at Walgreens | Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles

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