Hey you. Yeah, YOU!
I don’t know if you’re a telemarketer, or one of those nerdy, antisocial virus-creating dregs of society. I don’t really care either. Whatever you are, I am on to you.
Did you really think you would beat me? Did you? You started calling my cell phone yesterday, and continued calling it every 5 minutes. What is that number anyway?
I call it back and get a recording. I bet you thought you were funny.
Guess what. You can’t beat me. Want to know why?
Because I’m a mom. You can’t beat a mom. My whole life involves staying one step ahead. In fact, I’m a mom to a spectrum kid, so my entire existence hinges on my ability to creatively problem solve at a moment’s notice.
Like on Saturday, when my kid tried to single-handedly put the supermarket sample lady out of business when he went back for his 12th Pepperoni Pizza Lean Pocket sample. Yeah, she gave me one of those snotty “don’t you teach your kid manners?” kind of looks.
Which is kind of funny, actually, because she’s a 50-year-old supermarket sample lady, for chrissakes. Like she should be all Judgy Snottingpuss.
But I had craftily thought beforehand to pack candy in my purse. Chocolate candy. So it was quite easy to distract and coax him away from the panties-in-a-wad sample nazi.
Apps to block callers and text messages. I can even choose to block just calls, just messages, or both.
You’re on lockdown. You are 100% blocked. Your devious little plan was thwarted and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, so take your marbles and go home.
Next time you want to go to war with me, you better bring your A-game.
Move along now. There’s a sample lady at the Target store you can harass.