Sometimes a little gift falls right down from heaven and into my lap. Not often, but once in a blue moon it happens.
Dawn, from This Side of Typical, has created a weekly theme, entitled Hater Humpday.
It’s like she’s my long lost twin. She and I, with the whole hater thing, it’s just….I can’t even find the words in my native language, so I will just say (with a tear in my eye) that she and I are simpatico.
Te amo, Dawn, te amo.
And thus I give you, Hater Humpday. Today I want to talk about grammar and spelling, and the errors that I hate. I have been harboring some grievances that must be aired. Please don’t take offense if you are guilty of any of these violations, just take these new tools and rules and implement them. Well they aren’t really new, just new to you if you aren’t using them.
These are three different words, used in three different circumstances. Trust me, I’m sure. Let’s start with “to”.
To is either a preposition, as in “I am going to the liquor store”, or it is an infinitive, when followed by a verb, as in “I am going to run at the track” (which, by the way, would never happen because I don’t like to sweat).
In contrast, too is an adverb. Think of too as being another way of saying “also”.
Don’t write “I love vodka martinis to!” That is incorrect, and it makes me want to set someone on fire, and I will not waste my drink by pouring it over you to put the fire out. What you mean to say is “I love vodka martinis also” which means you would use too.
Now, two really should be obvious, but in case it isn’t, IT’S THE WRITTEN FORM OF THE NUMBER 2.
Who’s is a contraction for “who is.” Who’s going to clean up the cracker crumbs you left in your bed in the middle of the night?
Whose is the possessive of who. Whose mess is this? Or, I know whose mess this is. You’ll notice if, in your mind, you say I know who is mess this is that it doesn’t make sense. That’s when you would use the possessive version.
Please, I don’t want to see this anymore, I know whose cleaning up this mess!
That is not a word. Well, to be technical, it’s considered a non-standard word. For instance, when I spell check it, it has a big red line under it. Red is bad, people.
The correct word is regardless. There is no “IR” on the front of that word. When you say it or write it that way you just sound ignorant, and you make the baby Jesus cry.
It seems that most people don’t understand the difference between your and you’re because I see them misused all the time.
Now I could present a long, boring explanation involving terms like second person possessive adjective or present participles, but who’s (see how I used that?) going to remember that?
Here’s the simple rule to remember: You’re is the contraction for you are, and if you’re able to replace the word with “you are,” you’re saying you’re. Otherwise, your only choice is your.
You’re (you are) welcome.
I think I hate this one most of all. Since moving to Texas, I’ve found that people use this word all the time, and even use it in writing, such as emails. At work. To the boss.
There are differing views on whether this is a “legitimate” word, but all seem to agree that it’s a colloquialism that has become very common.
Perhaps I’m having trouble letting go of my native colloquialisms, such as dude and gnarly. Although, to be fair, I never used dude or gnarly in business correspondence.
So use it if you must, but know that I die a little inside each time I see that word. Oh, and also know that y’all has a red line under it too (too, meaning also).
Please help spread the word on proper spelling and grammar, so I don’t have to write any more of these tedious posts.
Then I can use my future Hater Humpdays to rant about Lindsay, Charlie and, now, Arnold.