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Flat Flannery Friday #6, The Scandal

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When we last left our friend, Flat Flannery, she was soaking up some sun, and pizza grease, in Florida with our bloggy buddy, Big Daddy Autism.

But the entire time she was relaxing, she had the strange sensation of being watched.  You know that feeling?  You turn around to look, and there’s nobody there, but you still feel like there are eyes on you.

After leaving Florida, Flanny couldn’t shake the feeling.  Paranoia started creeping in and, before long, Flanny stopped leaving the house.  She was starting to feel like she was losing her mind.

Then one day, she found a large envelope lying outside her front door.  It was from…a lawyer.

When you hear the word “lawyer”, what image comes to mind?  Here’s a picture from Google images.

Every time I hear the word “lawyer” I can’t help but hear the creepy sound of Robert De Niro’s voice, calling out to Nick Nolte, as the shady lawyer in Cape Fear, “Cown-slur, COWN-SLUR!!”

Flanny opened the envelope.  It was from our “friend”, Karen, at Solodialogue.

Karen is a lawyer, and she has been busy.  Very busy.  It seems she has never been a fan of Flanny, and did not like her globetrotting ways.  She was convinced there was more to Flanny than just her fun-loving road trips.

And lawyers have minions.  You might recall reading about “Jessica and her adventures with Tootles”. 

Jessica has been conducting surveillance by following Flanny around the country.  Secretly.  And here were the photos.

What? It's just a harmless dinner date.

Hey, don't judge! It gets lonely on the road.

She just has a lot of love to give.

Um. I, uh...well...yeah, okay, that's pretty skanky.

Jessica must have installed some kind of hidden camera, otherwise she was hovering near the ceiling like a bat.

But back to Flanny….

Disgraced, shamed, she packs a bag.  Her reputation sullied, she decides to leave town and head for a “retreat”.

No, not that kind of retreat!!! This is an obviously photoshopped attempt at further slander.


What, that’s what all the famous people do!  Hey, it’s a legitimate disorder, this…this addiction to love.  Yeah, that’s what it is.

Flanny is headed to a secret location, to commune with nature, rest, rejuvenate, and get in touch with herself.  (don’t think sick thoughts)

In the meantime, be careful.  You never know who’s lurking in the bushes.


DISCLAIMER:  All content within this post is a figment of the author’s imagination and is purely fictional.  Characters represented may be actual people, but the actions described are a purely fictional representation.  This should in no way be construed as defamation of character, or a representation of anyone’s actual legal prowess.

(Yeah, I had to add that shit so I don’t get the crap sued out of me)



About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

7 responses »

  1. I take the 5th! At the same time, I hear that Flat Flanny is a bit of an exhibitionist – likes to leave her windows open! 😉

  2. Hahahahahah!!! We all knew she was a harlot. My kind of girl!!!

  3. Scandalous! Well-done, Karen V. 🙂

  4. That Flat Flannery is a slut!! Smoking a cigarette post-menage!! She SHOULD be crying buckets of tears all over her maternity underwear. Serves her right.

    Thank goodness Karen is a lawyer and can advise you on the proper terminology to use in your disclaimer. But for the record, I never bought into that proper legal facade of hers. . .she’s a wild one, that Karen. . .

  5. Oh Flanny, the shame of it all.

  6. I’m not shocked. I knew FF was trouble when i saw yer dabbing the grease off her pizza with a napkin. No good and decent person does such a thing. Apparently, I was right.


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