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Deep Thoughts and Mac and Cheese

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On Saturday, Auntie and I did our weekly shopping at the Holy Mecca, the Target Superstore.  Hubs had business errands to run, so I took Connor with us.  He likes going to Target on Saturdays, because that is the day the sample ladies are there.

While shopping, he said to me, out of nowhere, “I’m never going to have a girlfriend.”

This was perplexing for a couple of reasons.  First, I thought he already had several “girlfriends”, and the other reason is, of course, that he is only going into the first grade.

“I thought you already had girlfriends”, I asked.

“No.  Nobody wants to be my girlfriend.”

Ouch.  Sad face.

Of course I told him that he’s still young and there’s plenty of time ahead for girlfriends.  He became quickly distracted by the sample lady handing out macaroni and cheese samples, giving my obsessive thoughts time to ramp up.

Although he’s quite high functioning, I wondered if he was having a hard time “mixing” with the other kids.  I worried that he stood out, that he wasn’t accepted.  I worried that he KNEW he wasn’t being accepted, and was feeling “different.”  That would hurt me to the core, and it’s one of the things I worry about most.

I started thinking about how to explain to him that he doesn’t have to be just like everybody else, that it’s okay to be unique.  How to convey that what everyone else thinks isn’t important, it’s being true to yourself?  But then, that’s not true, is it?  Without friends, and at least some peer acceptance, getting through the next 12 years of school would be unbearable.

Macaroni and cheese isn’t known as a comfort food for nothing.  I stepped forward to get my sample.  I needed the warm, cheesy goodness to soothe over these fresh thoughts.

Okay, it wasn't quite this good, but this is how I like to remember it.

12 more years of school.  I wonder if it will take a bigger toll on me or him?

Somehow, I’m going to have to summon the will to make nice with some of the snotty NT stay-at-home moms, and find a “friend” for Connor.  It will feel just like swallowing glass, I’m sure, but if it helps him to forge peer relationships, I guess I’ll have to take one for the team.

First grade is shaping up to be a tough year.



About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

6 responses »

  1. My Ryan says stuff like this all the time. Not about girls, but about friends in general. I swear, every single time, it’s all I can do not to collapse into a sobbing heap.

    The snotty NT SAHMs don’t give me the time of day. But that’s probably because I avoid them like the plague. Really, though, what do I possibly have to talk to those moms about?

    I think I might make some mac and cheese tonight. I have an excellent crock pot recipe.

  2. Now I want some mac and cheese!!

  3. We just made it through first grade….Connor will find a cute kiddo to be friends with and you’ll get along smashingly. That’s what I’m picturing in my head anyway!

    And mac and cheese–yum!

  4. AJ is only 3, nonverbal, and jumps and squeezes arms when excited. And he made a friend. Just trying to encourage, not rub it in, like it kinda looks like I did here. Go Conner!

  5. What the h? What happened to getting married? The girl in the backseat of the other car on the ride to In-N-Out?! Truly. He must have broke up with one and the others found out. Or like a bad day in the blogging world, he got the attention of less girls on the playground. Little Conner is a studmuffy! You won’t have to chew glass.. Drama queen! Sheesh! 😉

  6. Connor will have friends — maybe not tons and tons, but who needs tons and tons? He will not be the only “different” kid in the mix. If you continue to give him lots of love and encouragement to be himself, and let him know that it’s okay to be different, he will grow in confidence and attract other kids who are different, too.

    One of the worst things in life, I think, is the way that we’re taught to stay away from people who stand out in some way. It can keep those of us who march to a different drummer very isolated. Better to help him seek out others who seem to be marching to their own drummers, too. It only takes one or two good friends to make a nice little crowd. At least, that’s been my experience. 🙂


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