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The Greatest Chicken Story Ever Told

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Okay, so I know my posts have gone downhill lately.  But in my defense, I’m really not very smart to begin with. No, really.

Also, I have a job.  And I have to type things on a computer.  And there are spreadsheets.  Oh, and I also have to talk on the phone and give assistance to people and stuff like that.

So between the not being smart and the doing of tasks, I’ve just been all tapped out of things to write down.

But as luck would have it, we have IM at work, and today, JUST TODAY, the lightbulb went off in my tiny head and I said “I can post one of these really interesting conversations with my coworkers.”

And so I will.

Oh, and I’m not even going to change my coworker’s name.  It really is Christine. HAHAHAHA, screw you, Christine, screw YOU!!

Christine [12:14 PM]:

Want some fries?

Flannery [12:14 PM]:

Meh, not sure what I want.

Christine [12:15 PM]:

Chipotle?

McDonalds

BK

Chick-fil-B

HA HA – someone should open a restaurant called Chick-fil-B and make it EXACTLY the same, but open on Sundays, AND have hell art on the wall!

“Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t believe in depriving you of our chicken goodness on Sundays”.

I smell a multi-billion dollar empire coming on………..

Flannery [12:19 PM]:

At Chick-fil-B we will cost 2 cents less on each item!

Christine [12:19 PM]:

A quarter.

They are SO overpriced.

Dude.

Minus the hell art on the walls…………..I’m really thinking this could fly.  No pun intended.

“Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t cram our beliefs down your throat, just our chicken”

Flannery [12:20 PM]:

I am not investing my money with you to open a chicken restaurant.

Christine [12:20 PM]:

Look.

Won’t you feel dumb if I do get someone to go into it with me like let’s say, Amber, and in a few months I’m a multi millionaire.

Flannery [12:21 PM]:

Why don’t we open a Burger Queen.

Christine [12:21 PM]:

*?

It wouldn’t have the same impact, and you know it.

Flannery [12:21 PM]:

Or a McMurphy’s?

We could serve lager with our Big Macs.

Christine [12:22 PM]:

Look

Flannery [12:22 PM]:

“At Burger Queen, we’re not makin’ $hit your way, because we’ve been cleaning this d*mn house all day, and we’re flippin’ tired.  You’ll eat what we make and you’ll like it.”

Christine [12:23 PM]:

LOOK, BE SERIOUS.

Flannery [12:23 PM]:

I don’t have any chicken money.

Christine [12:24 PM]:

I’m going to hit Amber up.  We’re going to get a business loan and we’re going to be billionaire empresses.  Just like Oprah and Gayle.

Flannery [12:24 PM]:

I’m not eating at Chick-Fil-B.

Your chicken is greasy.

Christine [12:25 PM]:

When you want chicken on SUNDAY, you’ll eat there and you’ll LOVE IT.

Flannery [12:26 PM]:

You won’t be able to get their SUPER SECRET chicken recipe, so you’ll have some slipshod chicken operation going on over there…feathers blowing around, bloody beaks under the tables…

Christine [12:26 PM]:

Our fries are better, we have Johnny Depp advertising washing a car shirtless just like Carl’s Jr. – oh you’ll eat there, you’ll eat there……….

Flannery [12:27 PM]:

Johnny Depp is a snob, and he doesn’t eat your bloody, hormone filled chicken, if it really IS chicken.  He lives in France, and he eats snooty food like croissants and brioche.

He would spit on your chicken.

Christine [12:28 PM]:

Well you know who WILL eat our chicken?

RYAN REYNOLDS!

THAT’S RIGHT!

And he’ll rub it all over his chest and his junk because he loves it so much!!!!!!!!!!!

Flannery [12:29 PM]:

Until his ass gets deported back to CANADA!

Christine [12:29 PM]:

You just wait.  You can’t stifle my chicken dreams.

Flannery [12:29 PM]:

Because he was trafficking illegal chicken, and the feds don’t like chicken traffickers IN THIS COUNTRY!

Christine [12:29 PM]:

This is AMERICA!

You’re just mad that you didn’t think of it first.

Flannery [12:32 PM]:

You want the truth?  I never saw a Chick-fil-A until we moved to Georgia, and I thought it was the dumbest sign I had over seen because I couldn’t pronounce it at first because IT’S NOT REAL ENGLISH, but it appeals to all the illiterate people.  Then I ate there and I was SUPER-DUPER-EXTRA-ORDINARY not impressed because IT’S JUST A PIECE OF CHICKEN AND A FUCKING PICKLE, FOR CHRIST SAKE!!  No sauce, no nothing.  IT’S STUPID!!!

Christine [12:32 PM]:

Then why do you eat there?

Whatever, I’m appealing to the masses, not you.

Flannery [12:33 PM]:

I hardly ever do, only when I’m tired of the other crap around here.

IF YOU WANT TO APPEAL TO THE MASSES, YOU SHOULD JUST SELL DRUGS, DUMBASS!!!!

Christine [12:33 PM]:

Well I’m going to have stuffed chicken patties and stuff like that, I’ll IMPROVE on their crappy crappy chicken.

Flannery [12:34 PM]:

NOOOOOOOOO, YOU said it would be JUST like the other one, except for Sundays and scary art.

Christine [12:34 PM]:

I’ve changed my mind.

We will have the same stuff but better.

Flannery [12:34 PM]:

“Oh HI, welcome to Mr. Cluck Cluck’s, please admire our art and ponder your future while we prepare your chicken.”

Christine [12:34 PM]:

Go to lunch you freak.

Flannery [12:35 PM]:

(here is where I used one of the IM emoticon, a clover, which the department has designated as the middle finger emoticon)

Christine [12:35 PM]:

Go eat your BLOODY CHICKEN BEAKS!

Flannery  [12:35 PM]:

I believe I will be making a blog post out of this.

Christine [12:35 PM]:

(clover emotions)

HEY, I don’t want someone else STEALING my idea!

Flannery [12:37 PM]:

Ohhhh, guess you shouldn’t have shared then, huh?

Now you can kiss your chicken dreams goodbye.

And my ass.

Christine [12:38 PM]:

(6 clover emoticons)

So, I might not be the biggest Chick Fil-A fan, but take a look at this and you be the judge.

Mediocre chicken sandwich with pickle.

I can't even identify that as real chicken.

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

18 responses »

  1. gold. pure gold.

    Reply
    • @Dawn Everybody loves a good chicken story.

      Reply
    • Seconding this!

      Also:
      (1) Why doesn’t a single one of my office IMs look like this? Or even 1% like this? Whyyyyyyyyy?
      (2) I loved every little bit of this, but cackled with special gusto at: “Whatever, I’m appealing to the masses, not you.” You guys should take this should take this show on the road–forget about Burger Queen or Chik-Fil-B!
      (3) I really, really hope there are more such discussions to come, tho’ that’s not to agree with your implication the other stuff you’ve been posting lately has been less than delightful!

      Reply
  2. “I don’t have chicken money!!”

    Needed that giggle

    Reply
  3. Glad to see that you and Christine are working so hard on those spreadsheets and customer service. 🙂 My favorite line, “I don’t have any chicken money.”. LOL

    Reply
  4. “Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t cram our beliefs down your throat, just our chicken.” Your friend Christine is a genius.

    You wasted 24 minutes IMing about this whole thing, then you took your lunch break. I cannot express how much I admire you right now.

    Reply
  5. I wanna work where you work, cuz seriously, I can talk chicken all day. The fact you two get paid for this is beyond spectacular. You two are like a thousand rays of sarcastic sunshine. I am in awe of your greatness.

    Now make me some damn chicken ladies, I’m hungry. And I want extra pickles. NO I’M NOT PREGNANT. I JUST LIKE MY DAMN PICKLES. On the side, please.

    Reply
  6. I read the whole thing- at work. and I dont even eat chicken. But I do want to know about the Hell artwork on the walls….

    Reply
  7. What ever happened to the road trip to Killeen to video redneck trailer park people?? Those people WOULD ABSOLUTELY BUY Chick-fil-B!!!!

    Reply
  8. Unfortunately, in a sad sidenote to this funny conversation, lunch was over, and they didn’t have time to go anywhere for chicken, so they just stole something out of the fridge in the employee lounge.

    Reply
  9. @Dani, @ Diane Do you have any idea how much a chicken empire would cost to build?? No can do.

    @Grace, @Lizbeth The beauty of the IM is that I can be working, type a sentence, work some more, type a sentence. Multitasking, it’s what I do!

    @Juice I will have to find out the artist from Christine…she has hell pictures in her living room (I don’t really understand it either).

    @epictypestuff Nice way to offend my readers with your redneck comment, way to go!!

    @Brian I did take a short lunch, but I got a burger, NO CHICKEN!

    Reply
  10. And you thought you could come work at my office? If this is your resume, you’re hired! You’ll fit right in!! New girl get’s lunch for everyone! 😉

    Reply
  11. Oops – I know how much you hate the grammatical errors – “gets” not “get’s”

    Reply
  12. OH, OK…Like I’m the offensive one on this stream!

    Reply
  13. Seriously? A piece of chicken and a pickle?

    I’m not sure if I’m more disappointed in finding this out about Chick-fil-A or that there was no Santa Claus.

    I would totally go to Chick-fil-B, if only for the hell art.

    Reply
  14. I don’t know whether I like “Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t cram our beliefs down your throat, just our chicken” or “You can’t stifle my chicken dreams” more. They are both brilliant! utterly brilliant!

    Reply
  15. More please. Except you almost made me cry and snort at work!

    Reply
  16. Pingback: Not as Awesome as the Chicken Story, But Still Mostly Funny « Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles

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