RSS Feed

Our Kids Aren’t on the Spectrum, They’re Budding Celebrities

Posted on

Good news, people, good news!  There may be absolutely nothing wrong with our kids.  They may very well be completely normal.  I have good evidence to support this hypothesis.  Really.

I was reading an article about The Foo Fighters “tour rider” for the contract covering their upcoming tour, which makes a complete mockery of other celebrity tour riders.  You can read about its awesomeness here.

This article inspired me to visit the great and powerful oracle, Google, to read about other celebrity tour riders.  After much research (about 10 minutes), I have discovered some amazing similarities between celebrity demands, and the demands of our cherished little spectrum cherubs.

Take a look at what I’ve found:

.

Stimming AND a facial tic!

Katy Perry

Sweet, sweet Katy.  She likes to kiss girls with her cherry chap stick, but she no likey my favorite flower, the carnation (and I no likey her song, Firework, which I hate more than the smell of canned meat, but I digress).  “Carnations are NOT ALLOWED in her dressing room.”  Now I won’t say that Connor has any strict flower preferences, but he doesn’t like curtains.  He threw an hour-long fit once when I hung new curtains in the dining room.

Also, when being transported via limo, the driver is not to speak to the client or guests (social skills deficit), is not to look at her through the rearview mirror (lack of eye contact), and is not to touch or move luggage or bags (obsessive compulsive tendencies).  I’m going to do some more research on youtube, and be on the lookout for stimming behavior.

.

Van Halen

Van Halen’s tour rider has the important stipulation that there will be “M&M’s (WARNING: ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES).”  Uh huh, my kid prefers to  only eat green ones, if possible.

.

"Meat just makes me really uncomfortable. Cocaine, not so much."

.

50 Cent

Mr. Cent stipulates “THERE IS TO BE NO BEEF … IN THE VICINITY OF 50 CENT’S DRESSING OR CATERING ROOMS.”  He doesn’t even want to smell that beef, so DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT bringing it anywhere near him…or he will meltdown like nobody’s business and bust a cap in yo ass!

Food aversions, sound familiar???

.

Metallica

These guys demand that “BACON – VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL AND DURING DAY.”  Wait, nevermind, that’s totally normal.

.

.

Yeah, totally normal...

Prince or ^^*%$ (I don’t have his particular symbol, so use your imagination)

The purple pimp of Minneapolis says “All items in dressing room must be covered by clear plastic wrap until uncovered by main artist. This is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.”  He doesn’t like people to touch his stuff.  And if memory serves, he also licks his hands…

.

.

.

Russell Crow

When Russell was filming “Cinderella Man”, Russell “had to have black curtains in his dressing room so he wouldn’t have to see anyone and no one could see him” (no eye contact).  We don’t want to look at you anyway, Russell.

As you can see, our children’s “quirks” are really not much different from the important demands of these very normal and functional celebrities.  It’s very likely that our children will someday be riding in limos, demanding only square crackers, not round ones, and refusing to speak or make eye contact…just like they do now, minus the limo.

Or, most celebrities are on the spectrum.

Nah, it’s the first one.

.

Advertisements

About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

13 responses »

  1. I didn’t think it was possible, but I love Metallica even more now.

    Reply
  2. This is sooooo true. Like there will never be food touching each other on the plate. No slightly dark brown on toast or that’s burnt. We are raising superstars!!

    Reply
  3. Love this post! Yes, I think you’re definitely onto something here. My little celeb’s demands would be no eye contact unless made with you first. Mini fridge to be stocked with strawberry milk bottled and chilled appropriately, no cows or trains on any part of the interior decor, and no wake up calls before 8 am! The curtains and green m&ms? Classic.

    (I actually like the plastic over all the furniture but only if it was all brand new furniture- What? I never said I was normal!)

    Reply
  4. I read about these stars and remember thinking, “I wonder what it must be like having to meet all those demands.” So um yeah, now that you’ve shown me the light, I’ve been in the know all along. This approach puts a much better spin on my reaction now when Ellie demands always sitting/walking to the right of me, entering and exiting rooms first, not being in the same room as a vent or floor fan, smelling her hands with soap during each washing and announcing the aroma, lining up rolls of toilet paper in an arc, etc. Nicely researched Flannery!

    Reply
  5. Until someone demands fried kool-aid wrapped in bacon, I am not handing out my “Diva” tiaras…. I love reading about this kind of stuff.
    fried kool-aid apparently exists. I saw it on a news story, so it must be true.

    Reply
  6. This post is perfect. Really. I love this. This totally makes sense. The call our kids “special”; celebrities think they ARE special. I have to get permission to hug and kiss Ted; celebrities only want you to kiss their ass.

    Way to connect all the dots on this one! Now that we know their secret, someone needs to give Paris Hilton some ABA therapy, STAT!

    Reply
  7. YES!!! Love this. Further explains the “Real Housewives” and their lack of empathy or to shut.it.zip.it..or stop.it.

    Reply
  8. I knew about the brown M&Ms and Van Halen. In fact, I am pretty sure that the entire reason Van Halen parted ways with David Lee Roth was Roth’s unholy love of brown M&Ms.

    Perfectly normal!

    Reply
  9. I don’t like my stuff touched but I won’t wrap it in plastic, I just won’t let people in my house LMAO.

    Reply
  10. I like the smell of canned meat.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: