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Jackin’ With Mama Gump

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My name is not Merriam or Webster, nor am I from Oxford.  Despite this, my angelic little cherub spends hours a day peppering me with incessant requests to define words.  In lieu of the fact that most days I border on having delayed cognitive functioning, I do my best to answer even though it would really be best for him to wait for first grade to begin.

“Mommy, what does ‘almost’ mean?”

It’s like when you have one bite of food left.  You’re almost done, but not quite.

“Oh.”

Score!  Now I’ll take Analogies for $500, Alex!!

This new passion for defining words has escalated to the point that it consumes most of our time.  The words that he wants defined are fairly simple, everyday words, that are difficult for someone who is language-impaired to explain.

“What does ‘maybe’ mean?”

It’s not a yes or a no, it’s in between.  Like maybe I’ll actually get the kitchen cleaned up, if you stop asking questions.

“What does ‘soon’ mean?”

It means, uh…something that’s coming up, but not quite yet…like senility.

“What does ‘senility’ mean?”

You get the picture.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and the words I’m defining are becoming more and more simple.  A few times I’ve looked at my husband and muttered, “Mama always had a way of explainin’ things so I could understand them.”

I mean, seriously, I was starting to worry that there was a massive brain cell die-off occurring.  And when I think that, I always quote Forrest Gump.  Who doesn’t, amiright?

Yesterday was the last straw.  We returned from camp, and walking up to the house, Connor said “watch out for the ant pile, mommy.”

Then he turned to me and said, “what’s a pile?”

That one was easy to define, there were examples in the laundry room as well as the backyard.  But I’d had enough, and decided that was the last time. A few minutes later, he asked me what ‘hysterical’ means.  This is a word he uses every single day, whenever he is just beside himself with laughter.

What do you think hysterical means?

“I don’t know.”

Do you think it means ‘sad’?

“No.”

Do you think it means scared?

“NO!”

He hates being quizzed.  So he blurts out “it means when something is funny!”

If you know what these words mean, then why are you asking me?

“I don’t know.”

So all this time, at least on most of the words, he is totally yanking my chain.

Guess what, I know that game too.

“Mommy, can I watch Yo Gabba Gabba?”

What’s Yo Gabba Gabba?

“Stop it!!”

Yeah, I’ll just sit here and wait while you try and describe to me what those  creatures are, ’cause it’s going to be a while.

I might not have a snappy definition for the word “possibly”, but Mama Gump still has some game.

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

14 responses »

  1. Hahahaha!!! I love how you turned that around on him! **she shoots, she scores!**

    Reply
  2. Oh yeah, you don’t like it when mama turns it around on you do you?? How would you like it if I followed you around asking YOU questions all day? You wouldn’t like it, huh? How bout now? You liking it now? Now? Now?? Now??? How bout now??

    I actually said that to Alex one day out of sheer frustration. This should be a surprise to no one.

    I’m glad you figured out his game. Raises glass high.

    Reply
  3. OMG – this made my nigt! How frigid’ awesome. You got PWNED! Teehee!

    Reply
  4. OMG!! I will have to try that–Zane is driving me crazy asking me what my name is every five minutes!

    Reply
  5. Whose “Yo Gabba Gabba” “Stop it!” ….good answer!
    But now I think I’ll be watching Forest Gump tomorrow. Never enough Forest Gump famous quotes in the world!

    Reply
  6. OMG–THAT’S HYSTERICAL!!!!!!

    Reply
  7. We can all learn a lot from Mama Gump. Not the least of which is how to properly accesorize with hats and gloves. Wonder what she would have to say about those Yo Gabba Gabba guys.

    Reply
  8. Mama, can you come to trial with me? I could use those smarts on some witnesses… 😉 Miss ya girl!

    Reply
  9. Yo Gabba Gabba. Ahhhhh!!!

    Reply
  10. I have a theory that answering repetitive questions causes brain damage. What other rational explanation could there be for me to do it for two hours straight before it clicks that I’ve been doing it for two hours straight, and that I’m starting to lose feeling on the right side of my face? And, you know, that’s from the extensive medical/scientific knowledge I received as an art major.

    High five on the Yo Gabba. Nicely played.

    Reply
  11. Brilliant way to fight fire with – uh- that hot stuff that makes food taste good! (ps. I would be terrible at the definition game, because I would make shit up: “Mommy what is a nutcracker?” “something your father’s cahones end up squeezed in a lot more than he cares to admit”.)

    Reply
  12. Loved this post. My seven year old with autism does not ask all of the questions, but my five year old little girl…look out! This just made me laugh and I needed that tonight! Thanks!

    Reply
  13. Ben does this EXACT same thing. Tell me something then ask what it means! WTH!? Really, I think he is just looking for an excuse to not stop talking. Heaven forbid my child is ever quiet.

    Reply

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