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At Least Creepy Headless Things Don’t Get Confused About Where to Sit At a Football Game

When I was in the 3rd grade, I remember this math problem that really confused me.  It was a word problem, and you had to answer where the best possible place to sit would be at a football game.  It gave you multiple choices of different yard lines.

Of course my dad watched football on TV, so I had seen a game before.  The problem was with the way my brain worked, and how I thought about things.  I kept thinking that the answer really depended on where most of the game was played, where the ball was kicked off, and how many touchdowns a team made.  If it was a really good team, you would want to sit near the end zone where they would make their touchdowns.  My brain, being a little left of center, couldn’t grasp the obvious answer, but instead threw in all kinds of variables and possibilities that needed to be weighed.

I had to ask the teacher to help me with the problem.  She drew a football field, and divided it with the yard lines.  Then she explained why the 50-yard line was the optimum place to sit.

Flannery, why do you make things harder for yourself?

Get out of my head, mom.

So when Connor asked me, again, about what the word “tonight” means, I wasn’t surprised.  I think I’m the only one that understands why he is asking.

He knows what night means.  He knows what it means to go to the store, or to count two objects, or to say “I like that too.”  What he doesn’t understand is what to-night means.

“It is the night that will come when this day ends.”

“It is the very next night.”

“It is the one that is part of this day.”

I keep trying to answer it in a way that will make sense for him, because I understand that he got his brain from me, and it sees things a different way.  Not even daddy really understands it.  But since I have a brain that complicates things, and doesn’t always see the most obvious answer, or accept the simple explanations (which is sometimes a good thing, but more often it’s really not at all), I am the one that tries my best to explain things for Connor.

It took me over a year to explain the concept of “privacy.”  He kept thinking privacy was some sort of object, that you could put in a box.  So when someone would say “give me some privacy,” he would say “okay, where is it, I’ll go get it for you.”

Last weekend we went to the mall to see the fat man.  We went in through Macy’s, since it was close to where they had the Santa exhibit set up.  Connor hadn’t been to the mall since the previous Xmas, since he tends to get overstimulated and very hyper.  As we walked through Macy’s he kept looking around, saying “wow, there’s sure a lot of stuff in here.”

I asked him, “what do you think they sell in this store?”

His answer didn’t surprise me at all, since we both have unorthodox ways of processing information.

“I think they sell creepy things with no heads.”

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"I'll take two creepy headless things, please. Do you gift wrap?"

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

9 responses »

  1. HAHA – ooooohhhhhhhhhhh that is too cute. Creepy things with no heads…
    got to love the literal thinker 🙂

    Reply
  2. That’s great!! Our creepy things with no heads always seem to have Fembot nipples that could shoot your eye out. Can’t pass one of those things without wanting to throw a sweater on them and warm them up. I like them better without heads. The ones with heads always seem like they follow you around with their eyes…..

    Reply
  3. ROFLMAO!!! Why, woman, why do you make me laugh so hard?!

    I’m just glad they had clothes on. And, yeah, when did they start cutting the heads off? Tho, Lizbeth does have a point… (Hope I don’t have nightmares now…)

    Reply
  4. Brilliant! The best part of our kids is the way they see the world. And isn’t it nice to know you see things differently too? I think it is. There is far too much social cookie-cutting going on in the world as it is.

    Yeah, time is something of an unfathomable mystery in our house still. It drives Jack bananas.

    Reply
  5. I would totally go to a football game with a creepy headless thing. At least she wouldn’t ask a million stupid questions, like “what are all those little lines on the field for??” while I’m trying to follow the game. I’m sure at least some of the daddy bloggers would agree with me. I swear I’m part dude. Interpret that however you want.

    I like the way Connor thinks. It makes complete sense.

    Reply
  6. Hilarious! I agree with Lizbeth about the nipples. Really? Are they necessary?

    My son is an Aspie, and biracial. I had never really noticed that all of the mannequins were white until one day, when he was about 5. He saw one that was light brown and he said (loudly, of course!) “That one looks like me!” It really didn’t, but at least the color was closer than the albinos they usually display.

    Maybe the creepy headless things are an attempt to just remove race and ethnicity from the picture? Or maybe they are just cheaper.

    Reply
  7. Ellie has trouble with tonight as well. If you want, you’re more than welcome to share with Connor the solution I overheard my husband tell her. “Honey, when you get stuck with “tonight” or any other time, just say ‘This one time in band camp’ instead.”

    I wonder if it’s too late for me to head out and get some of those headless creepy things for a few choice individuals this holiday season…

    Reply
  8. That’s great! I love it!

    Reply
  9. I’m sorry but I came back and nailed you in a meme. I’m good like that. For as much as I tried not to, its kinda like tradition now…..

    Reply

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