Keepin’ It Real in the Autism Hood

I didn’t start this blog just to complain about snack cakes and Swiffer Wet Jets.

It’s about parenting a child on the spectrum.  I mostly go for humor, but that’s not always what’s going on.  And if I really want to be honest, and really want people to know what it’s like, then I shouldn’t hold back the unpleasant things.  This post will undoubtedly require follow-up posts, as this thing plays out to its conclusion.

Yesterday there was a note from the SPED teacher in Connor’s communication book.  I forgot to take a photo, but the gist of it was that Connor had been bothering another student at recess, to the point of the other student’s frustration, and he would be staying in from recess the next day.

Following is my email to the SPED teacher:

Dear SPED teacher:

Since Connor forgot his notebook yesterday and it just came home today, we are just now aware that there has been an issue during recess.  I’m a bit confused by this.  If there has been a problem occurring during recess time that is significant enough to result in Connor being denied recess, why have I not heard about it until now?

.

I’d like to know more about what is happening.  Your note does not mention the specific behavior that is taking place, or the antecedent to the behavior.  While I appreciate the interventions you have put in place (social stories and tokens), if we don’t know what is causing the behavior to occur, there is a big piece missing, and frankly, a missed teaching opportunity.  If someone was there to intervene and show him how to handle the situation in an appropriate manner, I believe it would be more valuable to him than the consequences.

.

The ARD we had prior to this year’s included an accomodation of having an additional aide or teacher during recess time, to assist Connor with social skills.  I’m not sure if that made it back into this year’s IEP, or if that intervention is still taking place.  Can you tell me if that is happening, and if so, how often?

.

As part of Connor’s team, I am always available to discuss challenges that arise, and to be an active participant in determining how best to resolve the issue, and determine what supports are needed.  If I had been aware of this, I would have suggested playground intervention, and would not have approved his recess time being taken away.

.

A part of Connor’s disabiltiy involves hyperactivity.  As such, physical exercise is imperative to him to be able to expend energy, which helps him to better focus during class time.  Segregating Connor from his class, and keeping him indoors will not resolve his social skills deficits.  Nor will it help him to build self esteem, or feel accepted.  I also don’t feel that it’s fair to punish him for something that is a very big piece of what defines autism.  I am requesting that this not be used in place of teaching appropriate behavior, and that it never be used unless a conversation has taken place with us beforehand.

.

Whenever there is an issue with Connor, I always ask the question, “how did we fail Connor?”  For instance, we had a 1 1/2 hour meltdown over writing names on Valentine’s cards.  Connor has a disability, we know this.  It is not his fault he had the meltdown, it is our fault because we didn’t get in front of the behavior  by breaking it into smaller pieces, to alleviate the overload he experienced.

.

So I ask you, how did we fail Connor when it comes to his social skills during recess??

.

I have time tomorrow, Thursday, 2/16, from 12:30 – 1:00 p.m. to call you and discuss this further.  Please let me know if you are not available at that time, and what time would be better.

.

Thank you,

Connor’s mom

.

Clearly, it’s time to step out of my comfort zone, remind people that I’m part of this team, and start holding people accountable.

I don’t like this.  I hate this.  But it has to be done.

To be continued…