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Smarty Smart Mouth vs. the Queen of Snark

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Yeah, that's for can keep that.

I’m not sure if it’s the age, the gender, or the genetics or if they have all collided to create the cheeky monkey we are dealing with at home, but my little Lippy Liptenstein is becoming an uncontrollable monster of attempted wit.  A few nuggets:

“Whatever mom, blah, blah, blah.”

(sticks tongue out at me) “Hey mom, that’s for you, you can keep it.”

“Yes your highness, okay your highness.”

“Okay, Mrs. What’s Up, whatever you say.”

“Poop in your eye!!”

“Now stop whining, and take it like a man!”

Okay, that last one is a line from Night at the Museum, but the others, who knows?  I’m sure he is extracting lines from cartoons, movies, and toy commercials.  He latches onto anything that sounds funny or sassy, and recycles it, ad infinitum.

But, you know, there’s the whole “respect” issue to worry about, and of course, public perception.  So I emailed his resource teacher, and I let her know about all our recent family changes, and told her that, although Connor is doing well with the changes, we are seeing a spike in sassy language.  It was sort of a preemptive strike to let her know that any smart mouth language could not possibly be due to my poor parenting skills, but can be blamed entirely on the current upheaval going on in our home.

And you know what?  She writes back that he has been great this week, and not sassy AT ALL.  Hmph.  Isn’t that nice then?

So last night, Connor asks me to lean over so he can kiss me on the cheek.  I lean over, and he abruptly blows into my ear, forcefully.  Then he says, “that’s for you, you can keep it.”

Alright then son, it’s go time.

“Listen up, Jimmy Crack Corn.  I’ve had about enough of your sassy smartmouth, and since I’m in charge of everything in this house, I’m about to have myself a brand new DS game if you don’t learn how to be more respectful.  You think you’re funny, Mr. Knee-slapping Witmeister??  You won’t be laughing when you’re spending your weekend doing yard work.  But I’ll enjoy it.  Yep, I’ll sip on lemonade while I play the DS and watch you work.”

Hard time.

“Noooooo, not my DS!  I’ll show respect!”

The next time I heard something about a fathead, I whipped my head around and narrowed my eyes.  He quickly said, “talking to myself!”  So I guess from now on he will say snarky things and pretend like he’s talking to himself, when really, he is telling me off.

I wonder where he gets that from.




About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

3 responses »

  1. I think I will use the second one…I really like that one.

    This is just hilarious…I know it must be annoying sometimes, but I would not mind a little dash over here.

  2. My oldest is getting sassy. We had a “discussion” about it a couple days ago.

  3. I CANNOT imagine where he might get that quick wit!! Maybe his dad, hmmm? Only the smartest, most playful and confident ones can snark like that. But “poop in your eye?” Whoa. I’d have to draw the line there. That hits too close to home… 😉 Like Porgerour, I think I’m keeping that second one. It’s a gem, mommy! 😛


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