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Springtime. And Art.

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The wild, parasitic rabbit population in the neighborhood has exploded, and I’m itching my nose like a downtown junkie. The grass is already fading to a golden brown, and I’ve pulled out the extra strength deodorant. Yes friends, that must mean it’s springtime (springtime in Texas means 90 degrees)!!

Hi! I'm fuzzy and cute and I make dogs go completely ape-shit and try to tunnel right through sliding glass doors. And I'm coming soon, to a neighborhood near you...

Judging from the artwork that’s coming home lately, the teachers are not immune to the allure of the season. The project that came home the other day was quite surprising. It’s a model. The shaft is about 12 inches long (quite big!), and the tip was formed by using an inverted Dixie cup. There’s a round appendage attached on each side of the shaft, and they’re rather wrinkly. It’s a rather meaty, sturdy piece, and quite impressive to hold in your hand. Connor was very excited to show off his piece of art.

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It's a rocket. What were you thinking??? Perv.

Today another model came home. A giant, blue ball. The kids were assigned planets to create using papier-mache, which they applied over a balloon.

Know which planet Connor was assigned? Uranus. Go ahead, say it. Yer anus. I suppose it almost made sense to pair Uranus with the giant, blue-tipped shaft. But honestly, I thought long and hard about Uranus, and longed for a model of Pluto or Neptune.

Yep, that's Uranus.

I’ll bet you didn’t know Uranus was blue, did you? I always thought of Uranus as milky-white, but I guess not. Uranus is blue.

At first I had the impression that the teacher was sending us a message, having Connor make a phallic-looking rocket, and then assigning him Uranus for an art project. But it seems in the interest of avoiding childish, brash humor, they have changed the pronunciation of Uranus to “yer-a-nuss”. At least that’s how Connor is pronouncing it. So perhaps there is no hidden message in assigning “yer-a-nuss” on top of a giant rocket assignment.

Maybe if they taught children the ancient Greek myth that explains that Uranus was the husband of Mother Earth, who were the parents of the first generation of Titans, then they wouldn’t belittle the name in such a crass way, and there’d be no need to change the way it’s pronounced.  Nah, who am I kidding, it’s just too easy to make fun of that planet.

Either way, the pronunciation has been changed, and we now have a giant shaft and blue ball on display.

Springtime…and first grade art, gotta love it.

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26 responses »

  1. LMAO – Thanks for the laugh. I needed it today.

    Reply
  2. Your description of that rocket is hilarious. But wait. . .aren’t there supposed to be two blue balls?

    Reply
  3. So, so funny! A few years ago when my daughter was learning the planet names (she was about 3 or 4), she kept saying “My anus” instead of “Uranus.” I could barely control my laughter.

    Reply
    • Awwwww, how cute is that? Probably talking about “my anus” at the grocery store, Target, everywhere that would lead to embarrassing looks.

      Reply
  4. Who has a blue anus…my english is not that good.

    Reply
  5. It is SO refreshing to know that I’m not the only adult woman with a Beavis and Butthead appreciation of humor. It’s probably a good thing we aren’t in the teaching profession, Flan.

    Reply
    • My hubby has the same sense of humour, and he teaches low functioning, intellectually disabled kids. He keeps it reigned in at work, but some of his stories are awesomely appalling. I think his sense of humour is all that is keeping him sane sometimes.

      Reply
    • That humor is the only thing that gets me through the day. That and some vodka.

      I’ve thought of teaching, then I woke up, crying, from the horrible nightmare.

      Reply
  6. i DID know that Uranus is blue. I have a planet obsessed child.

    and that is one heck of a “rocket”

    (TWSS)

    do kids even study Greek myth anymore? I remember having to go over them myriad times. I would have rather studied Norse myth myself instead of all those peskyt mediterraneans…

    Reply
  7. That soooo is not a rocket. I may be slow on the uptake but a rocket that is not.

    We have one of those bunnies in our yard eating every damn hosta I have. All the other neighbors have dogs so the bunny is ours by default. Nothing a little rat poison won’t cure. And besides bunnies remind me of Monty Python.

    Reply
  8. Hey! I recognize the rocket next to thee rocket – and it’s good Connor had the moon and star on his – although it could be mistaken for well, a tattoo, ya know? Although that would be pretty hard core…

    Rabbits are garden thieves – do dingos eat them? Because I will get me a dingo! 😉

    Reply
  9. I’ve still got rockets on my mind while Lizbeth’s done gone off about poisoning cute bunny rabbits.

    Reply
  10. I just can’t wait till first grade! We soo need some phallic art projects in our house!

    So here’s a thought… could you get one of those model rocket enjines for the “shaft” and strap a carrot to it and then light it off and well, see where it goes?

    Reply
  11. must ask my husband what he knows about blue balls these days …

    ha, couldn’t resist. See? You encouraged me.

    Reply

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