Pick out a button-down shirt for your child to wear. Yes, as a matter-of-fact you DO realize he hasn’t worn a button-down shirt for months. Maybe a year. And no, don’t let the fact that he has trouble with buttons deter you from choosing the button-down shirt. When mini-meltdown ensues, stubbornly refuse to let him choose a different shirt because THERE ARE BUTTONS IN THE WORLD, and we must learn how to coexist peacefully with them, so PUT THE DAMN SHIRT ON.
Stare blankly at your child when he tells you the Chuck Taylor’s are too tight and hurt his feet. Yes, the very same shoes he wore last week, with no discernible difficulty. Try to change topics and distract him from focusing on his angst over your footwear choice. Insist that the shoes match the shirt and THAT IS THAT.
Be sure to follow the two steps above on a day when you have this note:
And really, that’s all there is to it. Grit your teeth, wrap your fingers around the steering wheel in a death grip, and try not to leave tire marks when you peel out of the school parking lot because you were just berated for buying Kashi cereal bars, instead of the ONLY CEREAL BAR choice, Nutrigrain.
And try really, really hard to stop thinking of your child as a fire-breathing dragon.