Do me a favor?
I’ve been hearing some desperate words around the Interwebz lately. So listen to this, will you? It’s my favorite song. I think you’ll relate.
“The hardest part of ending is starting all again.”
“Holding on to what I haven’t got.”
“It’s out of my control.”
For me, this song is about how it feels to be an autism/special needs parent. That may not have been Linkin Park’s intention, but this is how I relate to it. Is this not how we feel, struggling with something out of our control, holding onto visions of what we thought our child would be, starting it all again each new day?
“We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cause we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear…”
Our fists ARE flying up in the air–in IEP meetings, at doctor’s appointments, with insurance companies. Because we have no choice. And that brings us back to “living at the mercy of the pain and the fear.” My GOD, to live with that mountain on your shoulders every single day, it’s unfathomable.
“Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had strength to stand…”
Always, always waiting for this madness to end. This obstacle, whatever it is today, it just needs to stop. Because somehow I’ve got to get up, we’ve got to keep moving or it all falls down, like a house of cards.
And we do.
That’s what’s amazing. You. Somehow, despite the absurdity of how HARD it all is, and how little you have left–WE have left, we keep moving.
You should go to the mirror right now, and take a look. See past the wrinkles, creases, dark circles, grey hair, jiggly skin and red eyes. See how incredible you are because you get up and do this every single day, no matter how hard it is, now matter how much you want to throw in the towel, no matter how unfair it all is.
While you do that, could you do me another favor? Could you play this while you’re at the mirror?
“If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can’t take no more (c’mon)
Just remember what you’re here for
Cuz I know Imma damn sure
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life ’til we’re dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me,
This one’s a fighter…”
You. Me. Us. Keep fighting.