Although the house is almost never completely clean and organized because of our busy lives, I don’t generally consider it hazardous to our health. But lately in seems that the universe is conspiring against me to see exactly how much more drama it can add before I finally relinquish control of my sanity.
Several weeks ago I arrived home from work to find a huge, gaping hole in the front yard.
Inside the house, hubs and Connor were already embroiled over homework. Hubs showed me the slip that was on the front door. It was from AT&T, and explained that they were digging in our yard to repair some kind of cable that runs underground.
You know what’s fun? Trying to keep a super hyper seven-year-old from messing around with that giant hole. Twice a day, morning and evening. It’s like they dug the Grand Canyon in my front yard, and I was telling Connor that he couldn’t explore the canyon.
We thought they’d forgotten the hole, when 3 short weeks later they showed up again. I arrived home from work and found workers digging a second hole, on the other side of the driveway.
And then I lost my mind.
“You’re supposed to be filling in the hole, not digging another one! I have a small child and an elderly parent here, one of them is bound to take a header into one of these holes, and then what!?”
They politely told me they had to construct A FUCKING TUNNEL under my driveway, to replace the elusive, faulty cable line.
I threatened a lawsuit if someone fell in the hole.
I mentioned the neighborhood children being at risk.
I threatened to get a shovel and fill in the holes myself.
I tried to bribe them with cookies.
And still they dug.
I guess you can’t beat death, taxes, or the cable company, no matter how hard you try.
This time only a week went by before they finally filled in the holes. And by some kind of miracle, no one managed to take a header into one of them. But not for lack of trying. I swear, if I ever have to argue with my child about playing in huge holes in the ground again, I’ll throw myself in and pull the dirt in on top of me.
Note: Yes, I realize this post is subtitled, “Part 1.” That’s because there is a “Part 2” forthcoming. Because there’s always some kind of tomfoolery going on at my house, that’s why.