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My House is a Death Trap, Part 1

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Although the house is almost never completely clean and organized because of our busy lives, I don’t generally consider it hazardous to our health.  But lately in seems that the universe is conspiring against me to see exactly how much more drama it can add before I finally relinquish control of my sanity.

Several weeks ago I arrived home from work to find a huge, gaping hole in the front yard.

Welcome home, I'm your new death trap!

Welcome home, I’m your new death trap!

Dafuq?

Inside the house, hubs and Connor were already embroiled over homework.  Hubs showed me the slip that was on the front door.  It was from AT&T, and explained that they were digging in our yard to repair some kind of cable that runs underground.

Fabulous.

You know what’s fun?  Trying to keep a super hyper seven-year-old from messing around with that giant hole.  Twice a day, morning and evening.  It’s like they dug the Grand Canyon in my front yard, and I was telling Connor that he couldn’t explore the canyon.

We thought they’d forgotten the hole, when 3 short weeks later they showed up again.  I arrived home from work and found workers digging a second hole, on the other side of the driveway.

And then I lost my mind.

“You’re supposed to be filling in the hole, not digging another one!  I have a small child and an elderly parent here, one of them is bound to take a header into one of these holes, and then what!?”

They politely told me they had to construct A FUCKING TUNNEL under my driveway, to replace the elusive, faulty cable line.

I threatened a lawsuit if someone fell in the hole.

I mentioned the neighborhood children being at risk.

I threatened to get a shovel and fill in the holes myself.

I tried to bribe them with cookies.

And still they dug.

Because two holes are better than one.  (I can't believe I said that)

Because two holes are better than one. (I can’t believe I said that)

I guess you can’t beat death, taxes, or the cable company, no matter how hard you try.

This time only a week went by before they finally filled in the holes.  And by some kind of miracle, no one managed to take a header into one of them.  But not for lack of trying.  I swear, if I ever have to argue with my child about playing in huge holes in the ground again, I’ll throw myself in and pull the dirt in on top of me.

Note: Yes, I realize this post is subtitled, “Part 1.”  That’s because there is a “Part 2” forthcoming.  Because there’s always some kind of tomfoolery going on at my house, that’s why.

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

6 responses »

  1. Life is never dull at Casa de Flannery.

    Reply
  2. I think these guys were just masquerading as workers for the cable company and were hiding dead bodies under your driveway. Which technically makes your yard – not your house – a death trap. Also, they were probably from Jersey.

    Reply
  3. blogginglily

    what the…they have those fancy schmancy digger machines that make a line that can’t really even be seen. You should tell them to use one of those next time.

    Reply
  4. Holy cow! A tunnel under your driveway? Sounds suspicious.

    Reply
  5. Poor you. May I recommend bribing with alcohol next time? If they will not take the bribe it will help you dull the pain!

    Reply
  6. What the … Flan, you need a break, sister. Come over. I’ll fix you dinner and a drink (or twelve).

    Reply

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