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My House is a Death Trap, Part 2

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A couple of weeks ago we asked Connor to take the trash out. We like to say that this is part of teaching him independence and self-care skills, but really, we just don’t like to take the trash out.

One thing we do when it comes to tasks, is we make it a game or a race. This way Connor comes back within a half hour, and we can have him do more chores. So on this particular day, we told him “bet you can’t be back in less than a minute” – because we had a lot more chores to do. And of course he said he could, because he likes to win. We don’t even need to promise him anything, he just likes winning.

When he came back 45 seconds later, still holding the trash bag, we weren’t that surprised. He tends to get distracted and off-track pretty easily. We told him, “uh, you’re supposed to leave the trash in the can, not bring it back.” But he said, “I couldn’t, there’s a lot of bees outside.”

I happen to know that there is a bee shortage, due in large part to the alien abductions and recolonization of hives on other planets, as a food source for the Mayans. So when he said “bees”, I was thinking, like, two bees.

My husband went out to investigate. He came back in less than a minute too, out-of-breath and waving his phone, saying “wait til you see this!”

mother fucking bees

mother fucking bees

Now this was cause for some excitement, because we’re from Los Angeles, and it’s a pretty big day if you manage to spot a couple of squirrels at the park in springtime. So this is like real life Wild Kingdom in our backyard.

I nominated my husband to be responsible for the bee-removal task, mostly because I have a bug phobia. He called several people, but nobody would come out on the weekend. I spent the weekend worrying about aliens being attracted to our house because of the bees, and hoping that they would not bother us but would, instead, take my mom’s dog because that damn dog barks too much. Meanwhile, my husband made plans to take Monday off to deal with the issue.

On Monday he sent me this picture:

An actual beekeeper!

An actual beekeeper!

Now if you look at all that schmutz on the inside of the trashcan lid, you will see that it’s actually MORE bees. There were THOUSANDS of them, and they’d set up a hive in the yard clippings can. Stupid bees.

Apparently bee removal is a highly skilled art, involving specialized tools. You’ll see in the picture that next to the trashcan is a shop vac. The bee dude literally just vacuums up all the bees. Then I guess he takes them someplace else, opens up the vac, and runs like hell.

Hubs sent me this picture too:

It's really true about bees being busy.

It’s really true about bees being busy.

I texted hubs that this would be an awesome thing for Connor to take to school for some educational benefit, but he said he’d already disposed of it. Maybe it’s for the best…I don’t really need CPS showing up at my house. I’ve barely just escaped the aliens, after all.

About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

13 responses »

  1. While I’m not afraid of bees and positively encourage them into our garden, I think I’d have a heart attack if I found this lot on my dustbin!

  2. I would of sent it in for show and tell. Come on. That’s like science and stuff.

    • absoflippinlutely. I think it counts as math too given the shape/pattern thing. such a shame he didn’t keep it.

      We give N household chores to do too (he’s 6) along with his 2yr old brother. hoping they will learn that living with other people requires contributing to the running of a household, and that mamma cannot and will not do everything for them their whole life. I like the ‘bet you can’t’ game, think we will have to try that one.

  3. Bahahshagaaaa

    We like making our kids independent and USEFUL too.

  4. This just gives me the heebie jeebies! Especially the underside of the lid. Holy bees, batman!
    also, better you than me.

  5. Thank goodness Connor did not try to put the trash in there!! Can you imagine all the stings?! Those must’ve been some special yard clippings! I’ve never heard of them nesting/ “hiving”(?) in them… Jerry Seinfeld missed that part in the movie, right? 😉

  6. I’m trying to figure out how you got that shovel to levitate next to the trashcan in the first picture. I’m guessing it is somehow related to the aliens.

  7. Honycomb’s big,
    yeah yeah yeah,
    It’s not small,
    No no no!

  8. best excuse EVER for not taking out the trash.

  9. Wow. Holy mother of Abraham Lincoln that is a lot of bees. Could of started your own honey making production. Kidding of course. Glad all is safe.

  10. Wow, that is a cool honeycomb! But yeah, bees. ::shudder::

  11. Quite unusual to see a hive getting formed on a dust bin. I read that you have a bug phobia. So what would you do to rid yourself of that?


  12. Wow that’s pretty scary!
    We had a problem with paper wasps making nests in my door hinges of my van. I guess I was the only one they were attracted too because my van was white. I got them out of the drivers side , then they went to the passenger side, then they put up house in the trunk area. I was so glad when I got a new car because I was paranoid after that. I decided I won’t be getting a white car after that because that is the only time that I ever had a problem with bugs in a vehicle. My advice to everyone is don’t get a WHITE vehicle and if you do keep a good eye on little pocket above your door hinges and in your tailgate in case they decide to set up shop!


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