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Goats for Everyone!

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If you spend time on Facebook, or reading any of the thousands of autism blogs out there, you have undoubtedly come across different theories concerning food. Just the other day, someone left a comment on a friend’s Facebook page about how gluten is verkakte for anyone with autism.

anne

In addition, you may see that sugar is bad, fruits and vegetables tainted with insecticides are toxic, and food dyes are creations of the devil. And let’s not even talk about the nut allergies!

So what’s left? Not meat, because of hormones and the junk that livestock is fed. Milk? Nope, more hormones. Unless you get organic.

How are we supposed to protect and feed our children? It may seem like there are no safe options, but never fear! I’ve done some research, and have come up with some tasty options for our fragile families.

Opossum – This is a reasonable alternative to hormone-laden meat. Opossums eat a variety of things, like fruit and frogs. Their favorite food appears to be cat food, preferably the tinned variety. Opossums can be found in virtually any suburban neighborhood, but you can also order it online if you’re having trouble catching the nocturnal bandits. Now since ‘possums also eat grains, they may not be the perfect alternative food, but they’re a close second.

Squirrel – Squirrels eat mostly nuts, fruit, leaves, and flower bulbs. But don’t worry, it’s usually fruit from a neighborhood tree. No pesky pesticides or chemicals to worry about. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a place you can order it online, so you’ll have to catch your own squirrels. Think of it as quality outdoor time for your family, as you teach your kids how to trap and skin an adorable, chubby-cheeked little squirrel.

Goat – Goat just may be the “miracle meat.” Goats mostly eat leaves, shoots, weeds, grasses, and apples. Their milk is more digestible than cow’s milk, and they have fewer problems with internal parasites. If you raise them yourself, you can control their diet. But if you don’t have the space for a goat, you can order goat meat online.

I made this handy bar chart to illustrate the benefits of the different food I’ve mentioned:

meatFood doesn’t have to be a minefield of toxins and poisons. With just a little (a ton) of extra effort, you can catch and raise your own food right in your own yard, in addition to growing your own vegetable garden. And I’m pretty sure that if this is the route you choose, it won’t be too long before autism is the least of your worries! Especially when your goats start climbing the trees.

goattree

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

17 responses »

  1. Love the chart 🙂

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  2. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

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  3. I can’t speak for opossum (don’t they eat carrion too? That doesn’t seem to bode well for the meat flavor), but squirrel and goat are excellent. Squirrel is actually one of my favorite meats, it’s uber-local, and I like it best in either Brunswick Stew or Squirrel Pot Pies. I know you’re speaking a little tongue-in-cheek, but everyone I’ve convinced to try it, actually loves it. Goat is good too, but not at the top of my list, and is common in many other countries – on the 4th, we slow-cooked one over wood chips with a dry rub and transformed it into some great tacos.

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  4. “Completely meaningless numbers” I think I just died

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  5. The goat pic in the chart made my day

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  6. You forgot rabbit , and deer, and how do ya feel bout road kill ?? Got all of the above list laying around back roads here all the time. Better create my own order form and buy some gloves ! 🙂 LMAO !! Thanks for the humor !!!

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  7. You must not watch enough cartoons – goats eat tin cans and clothing! (Kelly)

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  8. bahahahaha! LOVE this!!! Btw, my step son’s mama raises goats…. free goats meat for all!

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  9. Well now that just makes everything so much easier!! And I’m with jillsmo – “completely meaningless numbers” – ha!

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  10. You might also want to consider Hole Meat (moles and voles and other things that live in holes), since it’s much easier to source these from your own backyard.

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    • Erica is so right…I have a front yard full of chipmunk-filled holes and a tabby who likes to catch and play with them. Perhaps I should just let him do the hard part of grabbing them as they are exiting the hole and then I can just…um…eww…how am I supposed to kill them? Well, I guess the next time someone asks me why my son takes Vyvanse and Intuniv, I’ll just say it’s because I’m too effin’ lazy to kill a chipmunk. 😉

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  11. we like Mcdonalds chic. nuggets.

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  12. I’m just grateful you said goats and not goatse. If it were the latter, I’d stick with teh autizms instead. 😉

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  13. historysleuth1

    I’ve had squirrel stew. The first thing my son got when he started hunting. Not much to those little critters.

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  14. … These are all foods that I have been served at one point or an other….goat is good, squirrel I like in a stew… opossum not so great, but the giggle is in the fact that getting my tyrant to eat anything other than pizza and chicken (no Opossum does not taste like chicken) would be just as hectic as catching a squirrel by hand….

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  15. possums under glass look just like rats under glass, so “nay” for me. (so so funny!)

    Reply
  16. Pingback: Autism Haps Around the Web Shayla’s Weekly Update

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