Connor’s newest obsession is about keys. Specifically, he wants a house key. My guess is that maybe some of the older kids at school have house keys but, regardless, he’s not quite old enough or mature enough for the responsibility of hanging onto his own key.
The problem is, he doesn’t agree. And as a result of his complete confidence in his decision-making skills, he has started taking matters into his own hands. It started with the junk drawer, which is where we’ve always kept the spare sets of keys. And some other stuff.
Even though I can’t manage to find anything in that mess, Connor managed to find the spare keys and help himself to one. Needless to say, he had it taken away in class because he kept taking it out and messing with it. With the spare key back in our hands, we knew we had to outsmart the little tenacious jackal. This is the part where you should laugh and laugh, because I’m old and tired and usually can’t outsmart the wrapper on a Kit Kat.
This caper now moves to our inner sanctum, the bedroom. Come in, won’t you?
First, a little back story, My mother, who lives with us now, gets me some kind of knicky-knacky thing for birthdays and holidays. This is because I HATE knickknacks, and have several hobbies that everyone knows about. Like photography. And knitting. And reading. But no, she does not buy me things that I would enjoy, that relate to one of my many interests. She feels very strongly that I need to have some goofy knickknacks lying around, collecting dust. We could get into a whole thing here, but I’m not. I won’t do that to you. To us. I want to keep what we have together special, and not taint it with mother issues.
So the latest knick-knack-paddy-whack happens to be a box-type thing. So of course I thought, “hey, I can actually make this dust collector useful!”
And so I did.
See that mirrored box-thing with all the fingerprints? Yeah, that’s the one. Hey, how do you suppose it got all those fingerprints on it?
You are so smart. I should have had you hide the key for me.
Luckily, the boy has a nonexistent ability to keep secrets, so he blurted out that “hahaha, I know the keys are in that box in your room!”
I was getting discouraged. I used to have one of those fake boxes that look like a book, but you can hide stuff in it. But I don’t know what happened to it because it’s not on the book shelf. Huh. Maybe I should ask Connor if he’s seen it.
Anyway, I was running out of hiding places and there was only one place to turn to. Our walk-in closet. That is officially no-man’s land, because it’s not just a closet. It’s a place to store the towels, sheets, blankets, birthday and christmas gifts, and wrapping paper. And shoes. And purses. Oh, and the vacuum attachments. Let’s just say it could use a good cleaning, see?
But this is the last resort. I will not be defeated, so I must find the perfect hiding place. I decided to zero in on my plastic drawers where I keep purses and what-not. This thing:
Scary, right? Who’s going to look in there? Well, you are. But hopefully no one else will. So here’s the top drawer:
Oy, so much stuff. I need an organizer. Anyway, I also have some wallets and stuff in here, like this change purse:
Freakin’ cute, right? See, I love monkeys and apes. If I’d had a college fund and a better grasp of math, I likely would have been a primatologist. Instead, I’m just a weirdo with an unusual interest in monkeys. A friend bought me this cute little change purse. Because I have issues about having things in my purse consolidated, I don’t use it. But it’s too cute to get rid of. (Really, why would anyone have a wallet and a separate change purse? That’s too much needless fumbling around, for crying out loud.)
So here we are. You wanna play, little boy? Then it’s GO time!
If he manages to find these keys, then there’s only one other place I can think of to hide them, and there’s no way they’re going to fit. I don’t care what you’ve heard. They’re filthy liars, all of them.
So there you have it, friends. This is only one of the many exciting ways that I spend my day. Someday I’ll look back at this and laugh.