RSS Feed

The Handsome Compensation Scale, According to Me

Posted on

Remember how I mentioned in another post that I’ve been busy this summer? Well I thought I would share a piece of evidence that illustrates just how much I’ve been juggling lately, and how little time I have leftover for noble pursuits like blogging and power washing the siding on the house.


First, let me show you how far behind I am on email. Look at that down there, can you believe that?


I basically just gave up.

I basically just gave up.


I do try to glance through my email once a day so I don’t miss anything important, like coupons for Old Navy or opportunities to donate money to (insert name of any politician here). And it’s a good thing I do, otherwise I would have missed out on this fantastic opportunity for whatever it is that they are promoting. I really have no idea, frankly. But take a look at this wonderful offer they have made me:


This is too good to pass up!

This is too good to pass up!



Not just a handsome amount, a “VERY” handsome amount. Well hot dog, count me in! But first, just to clarify, let me get some further details¬†on just how good looking we’re talking about, in terms of compensation. So I responded thusly:


This should make it easy to negotiate the attractiveness of the compensation.

This should make it easy to negotiate the attractiveness of the compensation.



So I waited. And then I waited some more. And, you guessed it, here I am, still waiting to hear back from Susan. Is she, perhaps,¬†confused by my rating system? Could it be that she was thinking of something more in the Jack Black range, and is too embarrassed to tell me that she can’t provide me with even so much as a Ewan McGregor for such an important transaction? I just don’t know. But I thought that maybe the wording was not clear enough, and perhaps if I provide a pictorial illustration it will help facilitate our negotiations. So I’ve developed the following Handsome Payment Scale for clarity:


I've never gazed upon anything so crystal clear in all my life.

I’ve never gazed upon anything so crystal clear in all my life.



I hope Susan sees this as my good faith investment in a mutually beneficial relationship. Unless, of course, she was thinking more along the lines of Steve Buscemi. I’ve got to have some standards, after all.


About these ads

About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

2 responses »

  1. Fantastic! I hope you hear from Susan soon, with a Hemsworth-y payment info!

  2. Priceless. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve though about amusing myself by actually responding to those “International Investment Opportunity” emails that seem to land in my Inbox every other day. I always use them as an excuse to pour myself a glass of wine and shout “I’m finally a millionaire! I’m finally a millionaire!”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,467 other followers

%d bloggers like this: