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A New Entry For My List of Things That Aren’t Funny

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Not a day goes by that I’m not extremely thankful that Connor now (mostly) sleeps through the night. I don’t do well when I’m sleep deprived. I’m not one of those people that can get by on six hours of sleep and jump up to greet the day. So I must admit, today I’m a little tired and ornery.

 

Why?

 

It started around 2am. I think. I’m not really sure because I didn’t get up to look at the clock, but since I was tossing and turning until midnight I’m guessing it was about 2am. Finally, I was blissfully asleep. But then, I heard a noise.

 

It was a peculiar buzzing sound. It seemed fuzzy and far away, because I was so sleepy. But there was definitely a constant buzzing sound in the distance. It sounded like something vibrating. What could be vibrating? What thing could be loudly vibrating in the vicinity of my bedroom? Holy Go-Zzzzzzzzzzz.

 

I fell back asleep. Until about 5am.

 

The buzzing again. I sleep closest to the bathroom door, and it definitely was coming from the bathroom. What the hell is buzzing in the bathroom? All I could think of was that Connor was up in the middle of the night, brushing his teeth with his battery-operated toothbrush. Well hell, brush on then, boy. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

 

6:15am. Oh my god, is he in there brushing again? Finally, exhausted and defeated I got up and opened the bathroom door, only to find…nothing. No one was in there. I walked over to the sink and there was Connor’s toothbrush in its holder, buzzing away at full speed. It had gone rogue.

 

This annoyed me greatly. I tried to grab a few more minutes of sleep, but the damn thing turned on AGAIN, five minutes before I was supposed to get up. In a huff, I flounced off to the shower.

 

As I turned off the shower, I heard the buzzing again. I reached out for my towel and there was Connor, perched on the sink like a hobgoblin, brushing his teeth.

 

“Hi Mom!”

 

“Morning honey.”

 

“What’s wrong, Mom? Are you grumpy?”

 

“I’m just really tired. That damn toothbrush kept turning itself on all night, waking me up.”

 

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s HILARIOUS!”

 

“Glad you think so.”

 

“I TOLD you it keeps turning on. That’s really funny that it woke you up.”

 

“Well that thing is going OUT. Today!”

 

“Well don’t put it in MY room, I need my sleep.”

 

“Grumblemutterjesusontoastgrrrrrrrr.”

 

This was so annoying, I’ve decided to add it to my list of Things That Are Not Funny. This isn’t a list of big things, like war and poverty. It’s a list of things that happen to me that I most definitely do not find amusing.

 

1.  Running out of bacon.

2.  Tight pants.

3.  Finding dead bunnies on the back porch, lovingly left there by the dingo.

4.  Being attacked in my driveway by vigilante birds that think I’m coming to steal their babies.

5.  Being woken up all night long by a battery-operated electric Batman toothbrush that is malfunctioning for no good reason and sounds suspiciously like it could be something else.

 

I hate this thing.

I hate this thing.

 

Until next time, sweet dreams my friends.

 

 

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

4 responses »

  1. I feel like you have a misguided understanding of what is funny and what isn’t based on this blog post…

    Reply
  2. Oh my. I am not one who does well on less than 6 hours of UNINTERRUPTED sleep. So I feel you, I really do. Except I am also hysterically laughing at you.

    Reply
  3. I am truly and completely sympathetic with the misery of losing sleep. I am also chuckling at the toothbrush going rogue.

    Reply

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