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Two Children, One Spectrum: Social Skills

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two children part 9

 

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and found the time for some rest. I guess I wasn’t ready for the holiday break to be over, because I’m a week late in getting back to this!

 

Today is the last topical post in the series, and next week we will have a final wrap-up post.  If you’ve missed any part of the series, you can find all previous posts on the tab at the top of the page. Today Jen, from Anybody Want a Peanut, and I are discussing social skills.

 

Connor:

Social skills are really damn hard. They always have been for Connor. Hell, they’re hard for me. But because of the ADHD, he is very outgoing and always looking to play and interact in some way. Unfortunately, he’s always had a difficult time getting attention from peers in appropriate ways.

 

Although he’s been attending a weekly social skills play group for five years, the skills are slow to acquire. It takes so much practice to generalize the skills to the “real world.” He is so great at being friendly and asking others to play. Things become challenging when the other child wants to do something different from what Connor wants to do. He doesn’t get mad, he just doesn’t understand the give-and-take of friendship. He’s not yet learned the concept of reciprocity. Sometimes I remind him to show interest in his friends by asking them questions like, “What did you get for Christmas?” or “What’s your favorite movie?”

 

He’s just not there yet. But I see him growing and maturing and he is getting closer.

 

Another challenge in playing with peers is that he gets upset if he isn’t winning. Whether it’s playing ball or a game, he will often get upset or, worse, resort to cheating to win. We work at home on being gracious when someone beats you at a game, but it’s definitely proving a hard concept to master. Worse, when he does win, the self-congratulatory procession is excruciating. He screams out, “I WIIIIIIIIN!!!” He then does a victory dance, a few laps around the living room, and sometimes a cartwheel or two.

 

Yes, there are challenges. But more importantly, there are successes. Connor is open to every kid he meets and will play with anyone. He’s also drawn to smaller children and children with disabilities (kids in wheelchairs or on crutches). He’s almost always happy and smiling, and no matter how many times he’s been in trouble for some infraction, he keeps going back and trying again. That’s the quality I admire most about my boy, he doesn’t give up.

 

In fact, the other morning I dropped him off at the all-day after-school program and had to run home and come back because I’d forgotten something.  When I arrived I was surprised to find him sitting next to Aiden, playing his DS.

 

We’ve been hearing about Aiden for two years. “Aiden’s mean to me! Aiden pushed me! I can’t stand that Aiden kid!”

 

Since I know it takes two to tango, and my kiddo is no innocent when it comes to disagreements, I’ve continuously advised him to just stay away from Aiden. So this morning was quite a shock to see them together.

 

“You guys getting along?” I asked.

 

“YES! And I finally got a DS for Christmas,” Aiden replied.

 

“Yeah, now we can trade games on days when we can bring our DS,” Connor chirped.

 

I was content as I drove to work this morning and thought about the trial-and-error that is friendship. It occurred to me that, although there are challenges, it’s a learning process for all the kids, not just mine.

 

Moe:

Moe likes other people but doesn’t know how to interact. When he gets excited, he can be aggressive so he doesn’t get a lot of opportunity to just be with other kids. He doesn’t play games, and tends to just grab things. With one on one support, he will play simple games like rolling a ball back and forth.

 

He likes interaction, though, so this is something we struggle with a lot. How do we give him appropriate opportunities to interact with the world while keeping him, others, and property safe?

 

Join us next week as we wrap up the series with our thoughts, fears, and hopes for the future.

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About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

One response »

  1. I can totally relate to the fact that Conner is often drawn towards smaller kids. I often see my son playing really gently with younger children. Its really sweet to watch. I think they are just less baffling and confusing to him. He can’t master the social skills of his peer group and so finds other 5 year old’s confusing but two year olds he can handle. Also his autism means he has none of that “oh you’re to little for me to play with me” attitude that most kids his age already have developed. He really does not care what age his playmate is. I’ve seen him on many occasions playing really nicely with babies and toddlers in soft play areas. Its lovely to watch.

    Reply

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