You’re not going to believe this, but last night we had THE DEATH CONVERSATION.
I know. He’s only 5. And it was really, really, really traumatizing…for me.
But it’s my fault to begin with. I came up with a “plan” at bedtime to tell Connor that if he wants a bedtime story, first he needs to read 5 words. Hey, don’t judge. I’m trying everything I can here to get him to read.
So he does it, mostly willingly. And I decide to ask him, “Why don’t you want to learn to read?”
He says, “because I just want you and daddy to read to me forever.” Yeah, I know. That’s sweet, right? But this big plan of his is standing in his way of learning.
So I say, “well you know, we won’t be here forever. That’s why you need to learn to read and write yourself.” As soon as the words left my mouth I thought, “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!! What the FUCK did I just do?”
“Why won’t you be here forever?”
FUCK!!
“Well, because you will grow up and have your own house someday.” Okay, that’s a good start, right?
“And someday mommy and daddy will be gone.” Wait, why did I fucking say that? I mean, what was I thinking? Why didn’t I just leave well enough alone?
“Why won’t you be here, where will you be?”
“Well honey, you know someday everybody dies. We all grow up and grow old, and sooner or later it’s our time to die. It’s the circle of life.” Yes, I went straight for the Lion King, you bet your butt I did. And I was prepared to sing Circle of Life, if need be.
“But I don’t want you to die. Am I going to die?” FUCK!
“Someday everyone dies, honey. Usually it’s when they are very old, so please don’t worry about it. I’m just telling you that you need to learn to read and write, so you can grow up and read to yourself, and your kids if you have any.”
“Okay. Do kids die?” Are you fucking kidding me?? I am trying my damnedest not to traumatize this child, and it’s like he’s trying to make me do it!
And hubby finally, finally came through on one of those icky conversations that I always get stuck having. He said, “yes, sometimes they do, but not usually. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
And Connor said, “oh, okay. Can we read now?”
But I’m hoping that this new nugget of information isn’t just sitting in his head, festering, and waiting to manifest as some new anxiety issue. It sure has given me anxiety. More wine, please!
And can you believe, after all the bullets I’ve taken for hubby with the penis/vagina/toilet/poop/testicle conversations, that he got off that easily? From now on, I think the mantra will be “Ask your father!”
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Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles 
Wow. NOT looking forward to that conversation. Score 1 for daddy though.
http://thegnomesmom.com/
Ah yes, the slippage. Yep. Been there. My heart in my throat suffocating me. LOL. Glad he let it go…for the moment.
Yes, I had that conversation with my son. Wasn’t fun. My daughter hasn’t really asked yet but she does sometimes point to an old person and says, “Is he almost dead?” Which yes, I’ve told her is RUDE.
I think you did just fine. When my Grandmother died, we told my son, Griffin, that she went to Heaven. He didn’t mention it again until about two years later when he gave us a weather report for New Haven, CT. He misheard Heaven for New Haven and had been tracking the weather at his great-grandma’s “new home” for 2 years before we realized it.
All in all, I think you did better than us.
@BD, that is goddamn funny!
OMG, do you have a shovel, cause you were digging yourself a fine hole to China…and don’t you just hate when you do that?!? Like you wish you could shut up but somehow you lost the ability.
We already nailed this one. They actually want to go to heaven so they can play with their brother–how sick (and kind of endearing) is that? Maybe they think Heaven is New Haven—I should check into this…..
Yes, you did get yourself into that one didn’t you?! I hope with you that he is not festering. Knock on wood haven’t had this conversation with my son except for the dog – that was kinda hard but he seemed unfazed within a couple weeks. Maybe this will just pass..
Or maybe you should think up some good stuff in case there is a part two to this tale… New Haven might be a start! (LOL!! BD – that’s just gold!! )
Oooh, that sounds like a real uncomfortable conversation, on your part at least!! I hope we don’t have to have it for some time yet, but I think you did a good job. **yay** for your husband stepping in to give you a hand as well!
Plus, Amber and Big Daddy? You guys crack me UP!
You know that damn song was stuck in my head as soon as I read the title of this. Thanks a lot! 🙂 I don’t remember the first talk we had with the girls, if it was because of a family death or otherwise. Don’t worry though. There will be PLENTY of other ways that you ALL will be traumatized during these child raising years. There is a never ending supply of questions and guilt to be had. Love ya sis!
Thanks, love ya.