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Fear and Loathing in the Bakery Aisle

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Connor doesn’t go grocery shopping with me often.  There’s a reason for that and it’s because I like my sanity.

But this weekend, I took him with me because hubs had to work.  I psyched myself up and said “I can do this!”

When I parked the car, I asked him “what are the rules in the grocery store?”

He said, “stay with Mommy, don’t wander away, hold hands in the parking lot, don’t be loud, and don’t talk to strangers!”

We were as ready as we’d ever be, so off we went.  He was super helpful in the produce aisle, bringing me things I asked for and putting them in the basket.  It was going well.  Maybe too well.

Next, we went to down the bakery aisle.  He always stops and oohs and aahs over the cakes in the display case, pointing and saying “I want that one” or “ohhhh, that one looks good!”  So I said, “hey, your birthday is coming up, let’s look through their cake book and pick out a birthday cake.”

Except our display case had an Angry Birds cake.

We moved over to the book, and I started flipping through it.  “They have Spiderman”, I said.

Connor was to my left, and said “no, I don’t want Spiderman.”

I kept flipping, and eventually came to a page with a Batman cake.  “Oh hey, what do you think of this Batman cake?”


As I turned my head to my left to ask what he’d said, in that tiny, infinitesimal moment, my brain registered that something was amiss.  And in slow motion, I saw Connor LICKING THE GLASS CASE OF THE BAKERY COUNTER.

Not just a harmless, discreet little lick, but a huge, sloppy O-shaped lick, in a big circle.

Such an unusual occurrence that Google doesn’t even have an image for it, this was the best visual I could find.


And I grabbed his hand and as quickly as I could, while pushing a cart and dragging an almost-7-year-old behind me, we fled to the meat department.

“I can’t believe you just did that.  That is disgusting, what were you thinking?”

“I couldn’t help it, the cake looked sooooooo good!”

In all fairness, when discussing grocery store rules of conduct, I neglected to mention that it’s considered poor etiquette to lick the bakery display case.  Betcha I won’t make that mistake again.

Also, I’ll be phoning in the order for his birthday cake.



About Flannery

Kid, husband, dogs, my mother, full-time job, maximum stress, minimal relaxation...sooner or later I had to vent. AND we moved from California to Texas. I could start a whole other blog about that.

22 responses »

  1. I remember when I was little, my grandma would eat all the grapes from the bag while at the store. She just wondered around the store eat grapes—the whole time she was shopping. I kept telling her she had to stop, she was stealing them, and she just smiled and patted my head. To this day I can’t pass the grapes in the produce section without laughing. That has no relevance here but it popped into my head.

    And Connor licking the bakery glass? That’s good stuff, er, I mean I’m laughing with you.

  2. Did my comment go through???? Snap. OK, here’s the skinny on what I wrote…..I’m laughing with you, WiTH you.

  3. That is hysterical. Glass tastes NOTHING like that yummy looking cake. DUH! Kids… Geesh! HA HA

  4. I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing, but I’m 27. Sometimes there just isn’t words to show how you feel about cake.

  5. Oh my God! That is AWESOME! You know what, Connor? I am right there with you!

  6. Oh, this was just great! Thanks for the laugh. I can kind of relate to Connor. I might have been tempted myself!

  7. Seriously–isn’t he just doing what we’re all thinking. But, yeah, you *might* want to add that to the grocery rules. Along with no thumb-squishing the steaks. (a childhood rule of my own–IT’S SO FUN!)

  8. Can you blame him? I’m about to start licking my computer screen over that cheesecake on the bottom right.

  9. Hahaha! On reading this at first I thought it was a sensory input thing…my guy licked windows when he was younger….but I see he just wanted the cake and to eat it too!!

    xx Jazzy

  10. I was practically licking the computer screen over the pic of the cake counter.
    I’m having Doritos for lunch. I love the little mortifying moments of life. They keep us on our toes, tee hee, squeak!

  11. LMAO – Oh yes…My kid is a licker too. So I get this.

  12. Ok, let me try this commenting thing again….I see nothing wrong with french kissing the bakery glass.

  13. Geez woman, did you not even get him a cupcake to get that Windex taste out of his mouth?! Poor Connor. 😉

  14. lol….. great post…. = )

  15. Being the glass half full type, at least it was his face on the glass and not pressed ham, if ya know what I mean.

  16. ohmygoodness, that is awesome! I have 2 window-lickers and only one of them is ASD 🙂

  17. Awesome. I think I skipped this because I assumed it was a cooking post.

    When I parked the car, I asked him “what are the rules in the grocery store?”

    a) No talking about the grocery store?
    b) What happens in the grocery store STAYS in the grocery store?
    c) Two men enter, one man leaves?
    d) none of the above.

  18. if that’s all my kids do in the grocery store, it’s a GOOD behavior day. My grocery store mantra from this week: “please stop eating your brother’s shoe”.

  19. Hey in his defense, I have caught myself with my face an inch away from the glass of the bakery counter – tongue poised ready to lick. Mmmmmmm, cake.

  20. Hah! I can relate. My six year old stuck the the stylus from the credit card swiped up his nose, right in front of the cashier. She cleaned it off with hand sanitizer.

  21. Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your theme. Thank you


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